Circle of Life
by x.ghost-writer.x
Summary: What happens when the only person who can help you is the one person who isn't really there. Troyella.
1. Prologue

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, ****unfortunately. Not yet anyway ;) anyway, on with the story...**

The room was spinning and an 18 year old Gabriella Montez found herself unable to focus on any solid object; There was no lamp on the night stand, no bed, no window, just a hazy mess of confused of colours which were so bright she was almost blinded. A strong yet indescribable scent resided in her nostrils and a sudden heat wave hit her despite the fact that it was a freezing New Mexico winter night. Beads of sweat were now gathered all over her petite body and a lazy smile grew on her face as she stumbled through the room, lit only by the moon, before the heaviness of her eyelids finally forced them to snap shut.

* * *

The sound of her mother busy in the kitchen awoke her from her lifeless position, sprawled out on the floor as she screwed up her eyes to block out the intense December sun, currently arching over the trees in the distance. Her back ached from they way she had been laying and she found herself having to grab hold of the dressing table to steady her legs as she picked herself up.

"Fuck!" she mumbled along with other obscenities as her ankle bent over under the pressure of her weight and she doubled over, clutching her foot tightly in emphatic fashion.

Wincing in pain she removed the sole heel from her blistered foot and kicked it towards where its partner lay, abandoned hours ago at the base of her bed.

A sudden nauseous feeling over came her as she stumbled towards the bathroom and emptied up the contents of the previous day over the toilet. Taking a minute to make sure there was nothing else left she pushed of the floor and stood up, unaware that it was now mid-afternoon and forgetting that she had promised her company to her best friend, Sharpay who would probably suggest spending the rest of the day at the shopping mall.

Wiping her mouth Gabriella walked back towards her room and stopped to check out her appearance in the mirror which adorned her cream bedroom wall.

Her raven hair, once her crowning glory, cascaded down her back but resembled something similar to a birds nest. She groaned at her reflection as she ran her frail hands over it in a vain attempt to tame the strands which were sticking out in all directions. Her eye makeup was so badly smudged she could have been mistaken for someone who had just escaped a deathly fight and her cheekbones were sunken into her face. The skin which was once a healthy, exotic olive tone had of late been a dull shade of grey and her previously curvaceous figure had been replaced with a gravely thin frame which accentuated the fact that her bones jutted out at all angles.

She stood back and sighed as she peeled the now severely creased black dress, marked with the evidence of a rough night, over her head and threw it meekly so that it landed with a soft thud beside her. She closed her eyes trying to remember last nights high and smiled as that similar feeling came flooding back. The feeling however was short lived. As time passed the highs became less significant and the lows all the more prominent and she found herself craving her vice more and more just to gain a sense of the same pleasure. She continued to search for fulfilment that she so desperately sought after, unaware, or perhaps unwilling to accept that all her efforts were in vain.

On hearing her brain thinking in such a way that smile quickly contorted as she pursed her lips tightly in an effort not to think at all.

It wasn't always that way. It used to be a recreational pass time, her escape, the only place she felt safe but now it was so much more than that. She had come to depend on each fix like the very air she needed to breathe.

She had told her self in the past it couldn't be, that she was still in control, but lately she had come to accept it. It was her addiction.

Still in a semi-trance Gabriella shuffled around her room collecting a clean white shirt and a pair of navy denim jeans along with her underwear and her shampoo. Making her way into the bathroom for the second time she turned on the shower until the freezing water ran warm and then stepped under, silently allowing her conscience to pray that the soothing water would cleanse her soul as well as her body.

Distinctly cleaner and feeling slightly better Gabriella emerged from the shower among a cloud of billowing steam, shielding her naked body from the sharp temperature change as her feet padded against the cold bathroom tiles. She hummed quietly to herself as she dried her hair in the bathroom mirror, changed and brushed her teeth and made her way downstairs, not before paying her bedroom one last visit to collect her purse and her black winter coat.

"Gabby, where…" came her mothers voice, muffled by the distance between herself and the kitchen.

She didn't give her brain the chance to process her mothers words, she couldn't witness that pain again without the overwhelming guilt that came with the knowledge that she was the reason for her mothers tearstained face and quivering voice. So she blocked it out.

Truthfully, Gabriella couldn't recall a day where her mother hadn't cried, even before she was the cause. That thought never left her, but she, herself had no tears left to cry. She had become empty long ago, both a necessity of her lifestyle and at the same time, a consequence of it. It was the reason she was still alive on the outside, even if that meant that she was dead internally and in turn, it had become so that she no longer chose not to feel but had lost the humanity to do so.

The door slammed shut behind her as she exited from the confinement of the four whitewashed walls that were called home_,_ but it was plain to see that she had no sense of the word whatsoever. Making her way down the garden path she spotted an anxious looking Sharpay Evans fiddling with her nails, painted a soft shade of pink, as she sat in the cream leather drivers seat of her freshly washed black convertible.

The top was down which allowed the frosty sun beams to bounce of her honey blonde hair adding extra shine and as she turned towards Gabriella she scrunched up her expressive brown eyes to prevent the rays form blinding her. Worry etched across her face, she took one look at the sickly looking, yet somehow still enigmatically beautiful girl walking towards her and she knew that, far from her promise only one week earlier, Gabriella was yet to even start her fight. A best friend always knows, its her prerogative.

"Please, tell me I'm wrong Gabs, tell me I'm insane. Tell me…Just say something…" she muttered "we said…you said… and I was going to help and…"

Sharpay spoke softly and almost to herself, but not without purpose. Disbelievingly, she watched her best friend make her way to the passengers seat and observed her nervously scratch at her forearms, laced with blue blooded veins running far to close to the surface of her skin than what was reasonably natural. She took her friends failure to look her in the eye as further affirmation and she sighed deeply and genuinely and not for the first time in concern with Gabriella.

"I can't loose you, I can't watch you do this again! You promised Gabs, you promised me…"

She trembled as she spoke but her voice tailed off as she lost the ability to control herself, allowing her eyes to drop the tears she had tried so hard to hold in. Still sitting in the front seat of her car Sharpay broke down and cried.

"…You promised yourself."

The red pin prick marks scattered around Gabriella's veins appeared raw and sore and a few of them began to bleed as she continued to drag her nails across them. She opened her mouth to speak but only air came out and so, she shut it again.

Turning to face Sharpay she seen the anguish that she had seen a million times over, on a million faces and yet it still didn't seem completely real . Gabriella was quite happy living in her own world. Well at least she told herself that.

As she apologised and made another promise that they both knew she wouldn't keep, the only guilt she felt was in return for not feeling any remorse. For the only thing Gabriella Montez could think about at that precise moment was her need, her want, her desire.

It had been and always would be her addiction.

* * *

_The music thumped around the large front room of the glorious Evans' mansion and shook the floor as an earthquake might, yet no one noticed; Their dancing feet continued to dance, excited chatter filled any silence left, drinks were being spilled and there was certainly no thought of the neighbours as the party roared on at full blast._

_A nervous looking 16 year old Gabriella Montez, feeling slightly overdressed as compared to the other girls, looked around the room with apprehension in her expressive brown eyes, scanning the scene for a familiar face, preferably one who hadn't drunk their weight in alcohol. _

_It was plain to see that parties weren't her thing as she stood there alone playing with the ends of her long dark hair and shuffled her feet slightly as drunken teens past by. She was the good girl; she didn't drink, or smoke, she would always turn her homework in on time, she was perfectly together._

_Yet not even her closest friends realised she was already more broken on the inside than any of them would ever understand._

_Taylor would no doubt be with Chad, flirtatiously bickering about some trivial detail. Sharpay and Ryan, who's parents were out of town on their wedding anniversary would be making the rounds, entertaining their guests. _

_It was then that she spotted Kelsi and Martha at the other side of the room, shouting over the noise in an attempt to have a civilized conversation and she smiled with relief as they waved her over. However, something stopped her mid way across the floor._

_Noticing a small group collected on the floor she made her way over, drawn in by their actions. She recognised a girl from her homeroom class although the rest seemed to be older and she was drawn in…_

Expectantly unaware, she knew not that the night of the party was the night that she would finally be set free, discover her release…build the foundations for herself to become a drug addict by the time she was 18.

It was her addiction.

**AN: I know this chapter is rather long but I felt that I had to say all of this to set the scene for the rest of the story. Troy will be making an appearance soon so look out!****. ****Anyway thanks for reading and reveiws are much appreciated (be nice this is my first attempt). Much love xxx**


	2. The circle

**FIRSTLY I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO READ AND REVEIW CHAPTER 1 :) I DO REALISE THAT STORIES WITH DARK THEMES ARE NOT EVERYONES CUP OF TEA BUT IVE HAD THIS IDEA FOR AGES AND I JUST REALLY NEEDED TO PUT IT DOWN IN WRITING. I REALLY APPRECIATE ALL OF YOUR COMMENTS SO THANK YOU SO MUCH! I GOT SO EXCITED TO SEE STORY ALERTS/REVEIWS IN MY EMAILS AND PROCEEDED TO TELL ANYONE WHO WAS LISTENING SO MAKE ME HAPPY AND REVEIW THIS CHPTER FOR ME, LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK :)**

**SECONDLY, I DO HOPE THAT CHAPTER 3 WILL BE UP WITHIN THE NEXT FEW DAYS BUT UNI HAS BEEN CRAZY THIS WEEK HENCE THE SLIGHT DELAY SO PLEASE BARE WITH ME ON THAT.**

**DISCLAIMER: I STILL OWN NOTHING (EXCEPT FROM THE CHARACTER OF BRIAN) THANKS TO KRIS AND HAYLEY FOR THE HELP ;P**

**OK, HERES CHAPTER 2 I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY...**

It was fast approaching 9pm on an icy Friday night and the wind whistled through the trees which seemed to frame Albuquerque, cutting it off from surrounding towns and trapping its citizens within. Yet, still as the weather cast its doubt over those encapsulated Gabriella remained itching to go out, desperate to consume once again, longing to be consumed once again.

Realistically 'once more' could never be regarded as an honest representation. Once more had long ago become twice more and twice had become just a third but such was the manner of addiction.

Monotonously picking up her cell phone form the bedside table she dialed Taylor's number with a shaky hand, daring not to call Sharpay for fear of more tears…another confrontation…more fighting.

It seemed to her that recently such occurrences had become far greater in frequency, destroying any spirit left in her. In fact Gabriella remained in complete confusion and wonderment as to why people wouldn't just allow her to pass through life, as she had been, not living for each day but merely existing.

Her body remained, to her knowledge and to her command, only a vessel to the habit which ate away at such a vast part of her persona. Indeed a part of her so significant that she lacked the very essence to reasonably employ knowledge or command at all. That was the sad irony of her. It is this very irony which makes her a real tragedy and not simply a passing thought.

Looking from the inside out, Gabriella was to this day incessantly of the opinion that if, by some manner or means, it were she who stood in a less socially subordinate position she would have given up on her tortured self long ago. Possessing the gift of such an insight, she would have allowed fate take the body of herself to its ultimate end. To its state of repose.

It wasn't that she wanted to die, she just didn't have a particular care for life and henceforth had little concept of living.

Still trembling on the spot she put the phone to her ear and listened intently to the repetitiveness of the ring, waiting for acknowledgement until there was finally a voice to replace the drone of her waiting…

Taylor knew nothing of her latest relapse, less still that it occurred no more than 4 days previously and in accordance she sensed that if anyone, Taylor would be the most sympathetic to her cause.

After 20 minutes of exchanging pleasantries, debating over pros and cons in relation to school work, and, surprisingly, only a passing mention of Gabriella's fetish for heroin and the likes, a concurrence was finally reached.

The incessant pacing of the perimeter of her dimly lit room stopped dead as her weakened body already began to rally itself up for the night ahead and, despite the fact that she knew the area of her footsteps with such wide knowledge she still proceeded to slam her foot into the corner of the night stand. But Gabriella barely noticed.

They were going out.

Gabriella had noted long ago that Taylor often skirted over the issue at hand, perhaps to pretend that all was rosy, and she somewhat envied the blissful state of ignorance and the uncorrupted innocence that her friend seemed to accept.

But in reality this was an oversight on her own part as opposed to Taylor's. By choosing to blind herself to others concern, a loss of communication was to be had when it came to the more subtle people she encountered. In fact concern was barely registered to come from anyone who didn't have words tattooed across the expanse of their forehead professing their undying love or some other message to that effect.

Dancing around her room as her excitement began to build and boil over, she selected the first barely-there garment form her collection and threw it over her head. This just by way of probability happened to be a red scoop neck dress which in actuality could have passed for a top with a dangerously low back, almost as if to invite trouble. In all honesty her appearance was not her primary concern and she was too far gone by that point to give it anymore thought.

As she smeared thick paint-like makeup over her jagged features and spotted skin, it failed to even register that the temperature outside may put her in hospital with sever hypothermia if she ventured out in her choice attire. Yet seemingly she carried on without giving thought or fear to her ultimate mortality.

The blood rushed on through her veins, warming her petite body at the thought of reuniting with an old friend, and by no means was this description intended for Taylor (despite not being in contact with her oldest friend much over the fast receding winter break).

It was someone else, something else which she often personified but whom, or that remained completely inanimate, yet none the less poisonous. It was this though alone which would keep Gabriella warm.

Such was the circle of life, such was _her_ life.

Looking far beyond her years, Gabriella had no problem gaining entrance to one of her favorite hot spots, "Destiny". The security personnel had to be the worst in the whole of Albuquerque with the amount of dealing, fights and underage drinking that went on underneath their noses, or perhaps it was some clever ploy by the management allowing the venture to capitalize financially on the strength of it being the most accessible club in the district.

In any case, but not to the uniformed, it was accepted as the biggest drug hole in town. Perfect!

Musing over the workings of the club Gabriella almost walked right into Taylor, looking glamorous as per usual in a fuchsia pink strapless number which hugged her body in all the right places. Her dark skin was aglow my means of the strobe lighting and her hair was straightened out so that it hung just below her shoulders. Her healthy beauty looked by far out of place with the demeanor of the other club goers, a fact she only noted with a scowl upon her entrance.

"Watch it Gabs!" she playfully retorted, shooting a look towards her friend. But Gabriella was only half listening.

All to glad to be back she looked around and not for the first time noticed the downtrodden state of the building. With the boarded up windows, cheap vinyl floor tiles which were already wasting away and the decomposing scent that hung in the air, "Destiny" really did nothing to disguise its true identity nor did it decant in any way from the stereotype of drug users.

"Earth to Gabs, anyone in there, cause if I have to spend one more night talking to a brick wall I'm gonna…well I don't know what I'm gonna to do but mark my words its sure as hell wont be pretty!" Taylor sounded of triumphantly, bobbing her head in slight suspicion to the up-tempo music blasting around the room.

"I'm here Tay." She interrupted her friend half heartedly, already too caught up in the atmosphere.

With the music already thumping through her body, she could feel her control slipping away. It was calling to her, urging her through the crowd of people, dancing against one another, already in that state of mind. Gabriella craved to join them.

"I'm going to get a …um…drink, you coming Tay?" Her voice was almost lost in the sea of noise.

Looking at her friend through the same suspicious eyes, Taylor fought against her better judgment not to respond positively, quite sure that her friend had no desire to be baby sat for the duration of their night out, but she couldn't help herself. She was all too aware of what had happened in the past and feared every night that it would take Gabriella away from her and, although more reluctant than some to let her concern show, by no means was it absent.

Sighing, her eventual response came much to Gabriella's dismay.

"Yeah, I'm right behind you."

Having finally managed to escape from Taylor's watch after around an hour of trying to do so, Gabriella spotted her current dealer, Brian at the other side of the dance floor and headed over, almost running in some sort of frantic madness to reach him before he faded into the busy crowd.

Far from the preconceived image of a drug dealer, Brian was relatively mundane in appearance; from his grey-blonde hair, combed from the crown of his head to the front, his dull green and almost cat like eyes, his relatively short stature and average frame and his neatly pressed clothes.

He was a hard man to spot from a distance and perhaps that was the genius of him; only those who sought to know his true identity could confirm his hidden persona.

He blended right into the background.

Stopping in front of the 23 year old who currently had an overambitious blonde on his arm attempting to carnivorously eat the left side of his face, she got close enough to see the remnants of a faint moustache caressing his upper lip. Gabriella wasted little time in shooting him the glance which said she was in need, the glance that told him he was going to cash in. She didn't even flinch as the dollar signs in his eyes lit up in greedy anticipation of more dirty money.

At this thought his pursed lips spread into a sly grin which revealed the evidence of his own addiction in a yellow stained set of crooked teeth. Just what every girl looks for in a man.

Just what Gabriella didn't need?

Dropping the blond girl in a flash he turned his attention towards the brunette in front of him. Staring down at Gabriella, his thin lips smiled wider on deciding she already looked a little worse for wear.

"Gabby love, haven't seen you in a whole…" he glanced down momentary at his watch to signify a passage of time "…4 days. I've never known you to last that long before." His dry chuckle rang in her ears and should have sent alarm bells ringing as to his demeanor, yet it somehow always escaped her attention.

"Remind me again why you're not a comedian? ... And since when did you watch show the days of the week?" she muttered as they walked with a definite pace towards the back of the club and away from the prying eyes of anyone who would be interested in there dealings…

Among the last to be forcefully shown the door a completely intoxicated Gabriella and a less than amused Taylor left "Destiny", with the former in significantly better spirit than her compatriot.

Taylor took to the task of supporting her friends weight on her shoulder, but this was nothing compared to the burden of guilt she carried as she shook under the pressure. In fact the visible anger she felt towards Gabriella at that particular moment in time was enough to render them fierce enemies, for that moment anyway and she seethed as her heels clicked against the concrete walk way and her arm swung furiously, as if marching in military fashion.

All Taylor wanted to do was cry but the logical side in her decided that it would achieve nothing, so she stayed strong again despite the fact her ability to do so was wearing dangerously thin. After all, this was not the fist time Gabriella had lied and she sensed with reasonable anticipation that it wouldn't be the last.

Seeing that a semi-conscious Gabriella was safely delivered home Taylor continued onwards to her own eventual destination willing her self for the purpose of future reference, not to give in so easily because there was simply too much at stake.

Slamming the wooden door against the wall, hard enough to leave a dent Gabriella stumbled into the empty space in a most obnoxious fashion, making her presence felt. Tripping over her own footsteps she folded over so much so that she fell and rolled towards the side of her four poster bed enjoying the sensations that numbed the pain.

Lying with her back to the floor in a crucifix position and feeling those similar symptoms come flooding back, a dry laugh escaped from her chapped lips as she reveled in the sensations.

Her dress had rode up her leg so that it sat around her hips reveling more than just scrawny thigh muscle and her hair was once again out of place, almost like a lions mane framing her face. Her arms were bruised from her usage and she was pretty sure that she had twisted her ankle from the awkward fall but she didn't care. Nothing else mattered.

_This_ is what she lived for. This was her circle.

Slipping in and out of consciousness her eyes remained open just long enough from her to catch a glimpse of something, or rather someone perched on the edge of her bed. The outline of a man, looking nothing short of picturesque sat there, staring back at her. The moonlight coming from the bare window outlined his figure with a blue glow, which matched his stunningly turquoise eyes, eyes that were highlighted by both certain sadness and the knowledge of pain.

But there was something else there too, something which Gabriella could rarely see and struggled to identify.

Hope.

Her last thoughts before she was lost to sleep were both a reflection of wistfulness and awe yet her last slurred words were not to echo this sentiment, instead they perfectly show cased her outer persona.

"Damn, that stuff really fucks with you head…".


	3. The bed

The morning had stirred long ago but Gabriella was only now awakening from her comma like state. Anyone would find it reasonable to presume that she truly despised her bed with the limited amount of time she spent there, seemingly preferring the floor as a more suitable option. Although this was more a matter of convenience than comfort.

Traipsing through her morning routine in an almost zombie like fashion she struggled to bring her frail body back to life, tediously passing through the usual motions. The adverse effect of the drugs could always be felt in the morning.

Tying her long, dark hair back in a lackluster pony tail with as much effort as her bony hands could muster, Gabriella padded across the carpeted bedroom floor, without even a glimmer of vitality. She re-entered her own space from the confinement of the bathroom, sighing deeply.

On glancing up by momentary chance, she stopped. Her legs came to a sudden halt on viewing the far corner of her bed.

Suddenly the vastness of her wide open space seemed somewhat comfortably occupied.

Glancing across the setting it seemed no different, visually at least, to how she had remembered it last but it invoked something in her that forced her to straighten up and take notice. Gabriella was curious more than anything else to discover its meaning, a meaning that almost brought a sparkle back to her lifeless brown orbs.

Shutting her eyes she expected darkness to invade her senses and her reclusive self to remain solitary, yet there was another presence there, in her mind, a piercing blue flash that was gone as quick as it came. And then she remembered.

Opening her heavy lids again to the crisp Albuquerque winter sun she took a moment to adjust to the brightness all around her before a smile settled on her lips; not her usual sullen smile, not her lazy intoxicated smile, not her smile that was only there for show.

A real smile.

Following the intense rays of December sun with her eyes, she observed their landing destination. Walking further towards the end corner of her bed as an intrigued child might, Gabriella stopped. Directly in front her the patch of yellow-white light illuminated the rose red sheets.

Yet she dared not encroach on the somewhat mystic, immortal spot for fear of trespassing on holy ground.

Surprisingly, Gabriella remained somewhat undisturbed by the strange happenings, but when one is so precarious nothing is so shocking anymore. Her brain didn't even stop to question whether what she had seen was in fact a reality (as it had done before she passed out). She didn't question the reason for her sense of awe; she was just amazed that she felt anything at all.

The innocent in her still believed in hope (for the short time that it was allowed the chance to do so) before darkness would take over her soul and immortalize her very essence once more, where she would be trapped in cold stone for all eternity if she was not rescued from her impending doom.

The odd phenomenon of the previous night came flooding as she pictured the figure vividly in her head despite only observing him for an extremely restricted period of time. The new feelings that such an occurrence brought with it suppressed her burning desire for her wretched lifestyle and stirred an excitement within her barricaded walls. If only for a matter of seconds.

Not long after the onset of blissfulness, blackness entwined and weaved its way around her fragility, like poison ivy. It encased her conscious virtue as the patch of light turned a dull grey.

Seething viciously at her own naivety, Gabriella displaced all previous thoughts of wonderment from her encapsulated mind and the memory of the figure faded away, settling as dust would, splayed across the floor.

Her voice quivered as she seemed to speak to the open air, turning her back on faith and courage.

"Fuck this! Fuck it all!"

"Its too late…too messed up…I…I don't need help, I don't need god! Damn it, you can't fix what's already beyond repair…"

Making her way down the creaking stair case with each step as dead beat as the last, desire returned. She shook any remaining aspiration from her head, not grateful for the small break in her depression and feeling nothing more than consummate rage.

It was an intolerable cruelty. Why show her what she could have felt had she had the ability to hope?

* * *

Counting up time it appeared to Gabriella that it had been over 24hours since she last had any commutation with her mother, not for a lack of trying on one side.

Walking into the spotless kitchen where her mother stood preparing lunch she awaited her acknowledgement. Gabriella was never one to make the first move especially when it came to this long suffering relationship.

The older woman turned to face her daughter, who would have been her exact likeness 25 years ago had it not been for toxic intervention.

Maria Montez stood several inches taller than Gabriella, her height perhaps added to by the volume in her curled hair which was neatly coifed so that the ends fell by her shoulders. Her clothes wear smart and she would be the ideal picture of a professional single mother had it not been for her face.

Gabriella always saw tearstains on her cheeks, even when Maria hadn't cried. She supposed they were as permanently engrained in her memory as the slash-like scar was engrained on Maria's forehead.

Maria's dark eyes were not as mesmerizing as they once were; she almost appeared like a dear caught in the headlights, unstable and unsure. She tried her best to hide it. Layers of caked on make-up covered the majority of her scars and she never directly looked anyone in the eye for fear that they might find out one of her many burdening secrets. Pride was her victor in this sense; she couldn't let anyone know she was broken.

Looking deep into her mother's eyes, Gabriella could almost see her thoughts as a slide show played in front of her; another fist, a broken bottle, tears, blood, curdling screams, silence. The last was the scariest sound of all.

* * *

_The walls shook with extreme violence as Joseph Montez slammed the door wide open, letting the clammy night air fill the living room where Maria sat, fear permanently stained in her eyes as she looked up to face her husband. _

_His appearance was bedraggled with alcohol abuse. Maria couldn't even see the man she married, instead a figure so consumed with unfounded rage stared back at her and a game to see who would look away first commenced. But this was no trivial pursuit._

"_Your home early?" her voice quivers only slightly as she does well to hide any apprehension or nerves. _

_Maria would argue that this was not bravery in the face of adversity, merely years of involuntary practice but others would likely have a different opinion._

"_You're a stupid bitch!" came Joseph's response. _

_His slurred words bellowed around the room as he stumbled into the crystal vase at the base of the marble fire place. _

_The smashing of the glass against the cold, hard surface did nothing to drown out the tension as Maria shivered, glued to her spot, half way between unexplainable fear and defending her honour._

_His fist blazed down on her hard and quick, an empty beer bottle forever marking her face with the night's events. She didn't even have time to scream as she took her punishment with an unauthorized grace. Maria was the emblem of a most unselfish hero.. _

_Every blow she took was one less she had to fear Gabriella would receive._

_Yet a tiny face watched in horror from the side of the stairs, brown eyes wide in disbelief as she heard one of the most terrifying sounds that's she would ever again encompass._

_Silence. Game over._

* * *

"Would you like some lunch?" Maria finally offered.

Gabriella was brought from her dazed memories by a robotic voice which lacked any character whatsoever.

Maria's life was as empty as Gabriella's, she had lost her husband, she was on the brink of loosing her daughter and she had long ago lost her self along the way. She too blocked out her pain by trying to shut down her emotions. She was all too aware of Gabriella's plight but her many attempts to save her couldn't manifest themselves in such away as to have any positive effect.

Yet, despite the bad hand she was dealt, Maria remained a firm believer in life, if not for herself then for her daughter; the one person she lived on for. The reason she carried on was for Gabriella's salvation alone.

She could still cry because she cared and she cried every night knowing that her crying would have to suffice for the both of them.

"No, I'm not hungry" was the best Gabriella could offer in thanks.

* * *

The day had drawn to a close in a most painfully slow fashion, much to Gabriella's chagrin and dismay.

The moon was once again raised high over New Mexico and seemed to sit directly above the Montez household; much like a spotlight would, marking the spot where the main attraction would unfold.

Gingerly pushing aside the draped curtains, Gabriella took the time to notice, in her fully conscious state, the fullness of the moon. The bright white was crystal clear against the blackness of the sky and there was something magical about the night, even if this went unnoticed by the petite girl gazing off into space.

Pushing the window wide open took all of her might but it was worth it to feel the refreshing air against her skin, stinging her eyes, slapping her across the face as if to tell her to wake up from her worst nightmare.

Unfortunately, this was one nightmare she couldn't simply wake up from.

Leaving the window slightly ajar, Gabriella pivoted her frail body around so as to face back into her room, observing a collection of objects scattered across the expanse of her private space. They were her memories, forgotten long ago and replaced by addiction and self destruction.

Metaphorical dust gathered on their surface, prevented only from actual decay by her mothers careful cleaning.

Taking in a gulp of newly freshened air she decided that she would make use of her bed tonight as no doubt, with tomorrows excursion in mind the floor would once again replace it. Shivering with the night breeze Gabriella pushed back her duvet with little thought or attention and preceded to climb under, burying herself in its quilted confines.

As soon as her eyes were shut they opened again with the sudden gust of wind that swirled around her tiny frame, knocking over anything that wasn't nailed down and blowing her hair back, away from her face. Glancing across the room the window remained only unsealed and not wide open and the night outside was almost perfectly still, save for a slight breeze.

Her brown eyes widened in shock as her attention focused on that intriguing spot at the foot of her bed. No longer unoccupied, the beautifully eerie figure sat there, his sky blue orbs reflecting in Gabriella's own, almost as pure as crystal with a glassy quality she couldn't even begin to explain. His dark brown hair sat ruffled on top of his head, falling just above his eyes and his soft lips formed a quizzical look as if trying to study Gabriella in the same light that she was studying him.

She opened her mouth to speak but her words seemed dried up and laced with uncertainty.

"Who are…I mean what…how did you get here?"

No response came, so another attempt was made, this time her amazement shone through more succinctly.

"Are you…real?"

Still awestruck by the sight she was witnessing her brain ran at 100 miles per hour trying to decipher exactly who this was and how he came to be sitting right in front of her.

Perhaps the question that she should have been asking was why?


	4. Usually

_No response came, so another attempt was made, this time her amazement shone through more succinctly._

"_Are you…real?"_

* * *

Gabriella's words seemed to echo around the room, bouncing of the cream walls before being absorbed into the night's darkness.

The wind had ceased and now only the reality remained: she was talking to a complete stranger who was sitting at the end of her bed as if it were completely normal to feel so unafraid.

Still, there was no reply which done nothing for her fiery temper, one which she had inherited from her father. She remembered him putting it into action all too vividly and so emulated his ways subconsciously. He was always on her mind, hiding somewhere in the back of her thoughts.

The figure in front of her was still gazing at her, finally reacting to her interrogation. His mouth seemed to form a knowing smirk and his sky blue eyes mirrored the action, alight with wisdom yet still portraying that certain sadness. A look that only added to his mystique and his charismatic aura.

"I suppose it depends on what you class as real?" he offered, completely aware of the fact that his words were laced with ambiguity and enjoying watching her try to discover their meaning.

Gabriella stopped her train of though immediately on hearing his voice. The deepness of it caught her of guard a little as did the velvety texture of his words and she remained in awe until she realised his intention to confuse her.

He wasn't going to reveal all immediately and so continued in much the same vein.

"I mean, yeah, I believe that I am really _here_…" he stopped to check out his surroundings, almost mockingly, before speaking again, an amused quality oozing from him.

"But am I here in the same sense as…" he never got the time to continue before she cut him short with her acid tongued reply;

"Fuck sake, just answer me god damn it!"

She was almost shouting at her maximum capacity before realising that 12.30 am was not an appropriate time to be doing so and subsequently flushed a pale pink colour, thankful that the darkness allowed her anonymity.

With a slight bite in his voice he gave her as close to a straight answer as she was going to get.

"As I've said, I am really here, right now, in your room."

His retort remained as cool and collected as hers was fiery; in fact his whole persona was the exact opposite of hers. Everything she hated in a man. Usually.

An almost unbearable tension followed, each looking the other directly in the eye, searching long and hard for that thing that would unlock the gates blocking proper communication. It would be evident to anyone that neither was a beginner at such a game and that both were used to being crowned victors.

Fire met ice as brown met blue, each a perfect compliment yet an antagonist to the other.

And then, for the first time in as long as she could remember, it was Gabriella who backed down first. Defeat did not sit well with her and it certainly did nothing to hide the deficiencies in her appearance. Her dried lips scowled further and her eyes narrowed causing all of her features to collapse inwards.

Gabriella Montez was most definitely not amused.

Never the less, somewhere, entrenched deeper in her than her anger, she couldn't help but place him in a godly light, there was just something about him that she couldn't quite express and even through his arrogance she could still see the enchanted glow around his muscular frame. She tried to shake the thought to remain true to her self. Once Gabriella disliked a person she placed a black mark against their name, not to be removed for all eternity. Usually.

It never occurred to her that perhaps he was exactly what she needed, someone who could be the exception.

Of course, he knew all of her character traits already. He had been watching her for a long time, carefully observing every little detail, studying every flaw, protecting her from danger. He knew her like no one else. Perhaps this was why he found it so amusing that she didn't have the slightest clue who, or for that matter _what _he was.

Raising an eyebrow to signify his knowledge of her surrender, he waited with amicable patience for a vocal confirmation and a waving of the white flag.

"Who are you?" Her voice was now softer and displayed and inquisitive tone more than anything else.

"Do you have a name?" she continued, pressing further.

"How did you get here?"

On hearing her own words her eyes widened at the thought and her voice noticeably went up a few octaves for her next question as she retreated back under her duvet, seeking security.

"Are you stalking me?" her voice was hurried and nervous and she struggled for breath. "Because if you are, my mums in the next room and I…I…"

He silenced her with and amused chuckle which lit up his perfect features in such a way that he looked almost angelic.

"Yes, I do have a name."

"Well what is it then?" she snapped back, frustrated at his unwillingness to divulge.

"Well you never asked what it was" he noted, almost playing with her, although on receiving her death glares attempted to keep a straight face.

"Troy. Troy Bolton."

He paused to think, raising a finger to his lips on her urge to continue and then mused on.

"How did I get here?…I was sent. Am I a stalker? Well, I guess you could say that, you know…if you wanted to be blunt about it."

Feeling slightly guilty on observing her eyes widen in fear once more he attempted to correct himself, producing a woefully lame sentence which was supposed to ease her anxieties.

"But eh…not the bad kind?"

"What other kind of stalkers do you get _Troy_? I mean…I'm sure I'm not alone when I say I have yet to encounter a friendly stalker!" Her voice was once again noticeably louder as she contemplated what he had just revealed while rolling his name over her tongue, somewhat liking the sound of it.

"Please, tell me…do you have many friendly stalker friends who also like to break into peoples houses?…maybe you all get together and have big friendly stalker parties where you discuss all of your friendly stalkerishness?…I would really love to know Troy, so please, continue!_" _

Gasping for air as she finished her rant Gabriella once again realised the volume of her voice and also noted that she was physically shaking, perhaps from fear or perhaps from withdrawals, chances being that it was a bit of both.

Daring to look him in the eye once more she was drawn in, the omnipotence of the blue colour possessed a quality last observed on sea sirens as they lured sailors towards the rocks.

Yet she was quickly awakened from her thought as another chuckle erupted from his mouth, exposing his pearly white teeth to her gaze.

"What!" she exclaimed as more of a statement than a question.

"Am I supposed to welcome you into my room with open arms? Is that how we treat stalkers now?…because I never got that memo Troy! Last time I checked stalkers were evil men who spy on you and try to kidnap you and…"

Her scoffing was abruptly stopped by the playful calmness of his voice. "I'm not some kind of evil stalker though".

"Well what the hell are you then?". Gabriella was at this point completely exasperated.

"A…friendly stalker?" He offered, trying to no avail to remain straight faced, deciding it was far more fun to be the all knowing party in such a situation.

Staring down at the petite and fragile looking girl in front of him he couldn't help but see the pain in her eyes, a pain he had witnessed develop from its seedling origin. He felt her pain too, it was an unspoken connection they had always shared but one which she had yet to discover.

She felt like screaming at the top of her voice but then realised that she was pretty much doing that already.

Suddenly the door to her bedroom swung open and the light blinded her momentarily as compared to the darkness she was currently resided in before her corneas evened out the intensity of the light. Stood in the narrow door way was Maria Montez, fresh from the domicile of her bed with light pink curlers still precisely and symmetrically pinned in her hair . Her lack of makeup only highlighted her scarred face and the bags which sat snugly under her sleepy brown eyes.

"What is going on in here?" came her mother's automatic, shrill tone.

Gabriella was half thankful for her arrival for obvious reasons yet partly disappointed. In fact she felt a certain resentment for the consequences that Maria's intervention would bring. This was not just for the reason that she wanted answers but more for the fact that she didn't really want to see the back of her stalker, friendly or otherwise.

"I'm waiting Gabriella Montez, what could possible merit such a ruckus at this time in the morning?" She scolded, attempting to assert her authority in the best way that she could, emphasizing every syllable.

Gabriella sat there, slightly taken a back by the fact that, in her haste to resolve whatever issue she thought was going on, her mother had failed to notice Troy sitting on the end of the bed. How could she not notice? Even if she didn't immediately see the aforementioned figure, his presence alone was a strong enough indication that he was there, his musty smell, the sound of his breathing occupying the silence, the certain glow that surrounded him.

"What is it?" She continued to probe, looking around the room for a trace of whatever was causing the problem.

Meanwhile, Troy continued to look in Gabriella's direction, not even flinching at Maria's intrusion, somewhat caught up in the girl before him, her appearance was far from pristine but she had an unmistakeable quality that attracted him to her.

Nodding to the spot where Troy sat Gabriella watched as her mothers face followed her line of vision and stared in disbelief at the sight before her.

It seemed as though Maria didn't know what to say as a heavy silence weighed down on the air pressure.

"I…I…Gabby?" She seemed completely shaken and unsure as she spoke before she sighed agonisingly, pain evident on her face.

"Gabriella…for gods sake when will you wake up from this life you've been leading little girl?" she cried, desperation dripping from every word, like her heart had been torn to shreds. What was left of it anyway.

"Mom? Don't you see…" Gabriella asked, confused, searching her mothers face for an answer or explanation.

"No, don't you see Gabby!" tears openly flooding down her face.

"Fuck! We only have one life, its gods gift to us and yet you don't even want to know?…I can't be with you now…can't you see none of us can go through this again Gabriella…We cant watch it!" She was now the one screaming.

Completely broken down and steadying her weight on her daughters dressing table Maria, taking a definitive gulp of air, wiping her face of all remains of her anguish and standing up straight regained her control and composure, if only until she was out of sight.

"You're killing me here." And with that final pleading look she exited before returning to her own room to cry.

Sitting there, Gabriella Montez shivered from isolation rather than the temperature. Turning to face Troy once again she looked straight at him and he looked straight back at her.

"Why can't she see you?" she pleaded, her fire was now no more than smouldering ashes.

"Why can't she see you Troy?"

"WHY CAN'T SHE SEE YOU!" Her scratched voice escalated to dangerous levels, etched with frustration as she clutched the edges of the duvet cover, shaking violently. Something within her told her she already knew the answer.

He looked at her, and deciding it was time for her to know the truth nodded to confirm her suspicions.

* * *

The coolness of the air filled the dark room where they both sat, neither daring to speak first because to break the tension would surely only cause more.

Troy Bolton remained rooted to his spot by the end of the bed, aware of the struggles that they would face as he stole glances of the Latina girl before him, her dark hair shading her eyes from the world before her. He was the only one who fully understood, her only hope of salvation.

Gabriella Montez remained rooted to her spot, hidden under the mass of fabric covers and for once her sole attention was not focused on her addiction.

Ghosts? Spirits? Supernatural beings? She was never one to even dream of such things let alone champion their existence.

Usually.

**AN: I would just like to thank everyone again for reading and reviewing! I hope you are all enjoying it so far! ****so this chapter should clear things up a bit, hopefully it shows where i want to go with this and i hope you will all continue to read :) To summarise it is basically going to be about two people who forge a relationship under impossible circumstances, where everything seems to be against them.**

**You may have also noticed but i do have a passion for adjectives so trying dialogue was a new thing for me, i hope it wasn't too bad :)**

**Let me know what you think of this one, like it? hate it? confused? lol Thanks xxxx**


	5. deadly serious

Groggily opening her eyes to a dim Sunday morning and stretching out against the solidity of her mattress, Gabriella struggled to recall the precise moment at which she fell asleep. The last thing she remembered was being wide awake and talking to Troy…

At the thought all sleepiness was suddenly wiped from her as she propped herself bolt upright and threw the rose coloured duvet to the side where it landed on the carpeted floor with a muffled thump.

"Troy!" she shouted, the nights happenings suddenly dawned on her and the memories came flooding back.

Her voice was still rough from the extent of its use and riddled with desperation. With longing. With need.

The smack of her hands against the springs of the mattress vibrated around the width of the room and she looked around, eagerly searching for any trace of him, pained by her findings, or lack there of.

Search as she might, she couldn't feel his presence anymore, making the room feel distinctly empty. With no one else there to heat the surroundings the sharpness of the frosty air hit her hard, like one hundred nails or more piercing her delicate skin. She was alone again.

Resounding to the fact that he was long gone, Gabriella slumped back into the warmness of her nest and lay there amid the dullness of the early Albuquerque morning, thinking, wondering, contemplating the meaning of it all. As her bloodshot brown eyes, tired with years of solitude rolled back and her lids closed over them she tried not to think at all but she couldn't shake him from her thoughts, literally or mentally.

_It couldn't be, could it?_

For all she was worth Gabriella was a logical person and such a creation as Troy would go against her basic beliefs, the moral standards rooted deep within her. Yet no matter which way she looked at it she failed to see a logical explanation and in some ways the illogical seemed more appealing.

"Troy?" she called for him again from her sleeping position on the bed.

Eyes firmly shut, she tried to remember him, tried to recall every detail, every last component of him that made her question everything she'd ever known.

There was no point in calling any more, she knew he wasn't there

* * *

12 noon:

The last Sunday of winter break always seemed to speed by rapidly and likely did so once again for everyone else dreading a return to school, but not for Gabriella. What felt like 5 hours had in fact been a mere 20 minutes since she lasted checked her watch.

The pile of homework and assignments that sat at her desk even looked appealing as she waited for night fall, for Troy to return.

So she sat there, pulling at the ends of her white lace shirt, careful not to tear the delicate fabric in her hastened anticipation as she tucked a dark lock of hair behind her ear.

1.15 pm:

Gabriella was an intelligent girl who always excelled at school until her addiction had brought "more important" things to the forefront of her mind but she was now thinking the impossible.

She swore the clock was travelling at a backwards speed and with her algebra questions complete she paced around the room in a frenzied fashion, hurrying the day on, calling out for the setting of the sun and praying for the light of the moon to illuminate the sky.

Restless, she had lost count of the number of times she had opened and closed the window, how many times she had looked at the pile of work in front of her, how many times she had sighed, defeated that he hadn't arrived yet.

2.25 pm:

Gabriella's graceful patience was long gone as she tapped the pen angrily against the opening paragraphs of her history essay, scrawled without thought on the lined paper. Her concentration was fading fast and she barely noticed when her forceful hand caused the pen to burst over the last hours work, shooting ink emphatically in all directions.

Throwing it to the side in sheer frustration she cared not for where it landed, she cared not that the ink would stain the soft cream carpet a ghastly black colour, she cared not that she would have to restart the whole bloody thing again. She needed relief.

"Fuck sake! AGHHH! I can't take this anymore!"

It had been more than a full day since her last fix and to any addict her frustration would be completely understandable. Her eyes were even more blood shot than usual and her nervous twitching and shaking had increased at a drastic rate over the last hour.

All conscious thought had escaped her, except for the though of him. He was somehow keeping her on the brink of sanity just by his very existence.

2.55 pm:

The December sun was now at its highest position above those same trees in the distance, peeking through the branches, deceptively indicating warmth and heat when the temperature must have been bellow freezing point.

"I'm not fooled by you!" she laughed mockingly, talking to the world outside while staring at the giant ball of light in the sky.

"No… I'm smarter than that!" she slurred while half hanging over the wide open window frame.

Delusion had now almost fully absorbed her, eating away at her humanity once more as she struggled to cling onto any hope. Withdrawal always had this effect on her but surely this delusion was better that the bitterness of her drugged up state?

She needed to see him. She was hanging on for him, forcing herself not to give in so soon because she wanted to be aware when they spoke, she needed to know the whole truth.

3.30 pm:

After a long shower Gabriella felt more mortal, although still shaking in desperate need. Her cell phone on her bedside table seemed so accessible and with Brian's number stored as her top contact it wouldn't take long to get hooked up. In fact, while she was so caught up in Troy she had forgotten her plans to go out.

She walked forwards, each careful step mapped out so that she would reach her ultimate destination but to her surprise her feet carried her not to her phone but to her bed. Taking it as a sign she placed herself beside his spot, right at the very edge, careful not to encroach on his territory. Just in case.

Depression overwhelming her fragile existence, she sat there, motionless, her straw like hair still damp, serving as a visor once more to the world around her, but it couldn't block her internal pain. Agony was tearing through her veins, her body craving the heroin more than ever, her heart craving Troy more than ever.

4.55 pm:

The sky outside was now littered with heavy thunder clouds and it would have been pitch black if not for the artificial glow of the street lights.

Gabriella jumped from her spot as the great Nimbus billows collided together with an almighty roar. She was on edge enough as it was without any outside influence so she most certainly did not welcome the addition of a thunderstorm.

As a hot white stroke of lighting blazed down, tearing the black clouds apart she sat on the edge of her bed, rocking back and forth on the spot. She didn't find it strange that she had not moved from her position once in over an hour, she didn't even think about it.

Rubbing her paper thin skin in order to stimulate heat she was just aggravating her scarred forearms but the physical pain was nothing compared to her internal turmoil.

She needed drugs.

She needed to see Troy.

But for the first time ever she didn't know what she needed more or for that matter what she _wanted_ more.

She could phone Brian now and get her fix sorted but something was forcing her to wait, wait and see if he would come. She didn't recognise what this something was; after all, it had been a long time since she last listened to her heart.

5.30 pm:

The sky was now crying endless tears as the heavens opened.

The rain battered relentlessly against the window pain, crying for the petite brunette who sat alone in the darkness, deep inside the white washed walls that confined her. She didn't even look alive but her twitching movements signified that she wasn't quite dead.

Somewhere, on the lower floor her mother was preparing dinner but Gabriella couldn't face her, she had avoided her successfully thus far and didn't plan on encountering her again until at least the next day. She couldn't handle her questions now, not in her delicate state.

She was ready to give up her waiting, she had waited enough.

"He's never coming." she stated aloud, not caring who heard. Her mother already thought she was mad anyway.

Standing up on her shaky, bird like legs she attempted to balance her spindled frame as she desensitised her self to the standing position. It was only once she arose that a wave of nausea hit her hard and she ran at an excelled pace to the bathroom, leaning over the toilet seat and vomiting up whatever small quantity was inside. At the same time her loose hair tangled in the contents and matted to her face.

Gabriella Montez was a mess and even she conceded to that as she attempted to stand up.

She was not successful in her venture though as her legs gave way underneath her and she sank to the bathroom floor once more before proceeding to further reproduce any evidence of the days consumption.

This time her hair didn't get in the way. Her brown locks were gently pulled back from her face by someone standing behind her, someone who she could only assume to be her mother since she couldn't see the face. Her mother, incidentally, was the only person she could imagine taking on such a task.

She thought no more of it until a hand brushed against her pale cheek causing her skin to spark at the touch. Never had she known her moms hand to create such a reaction.

Still feeling positively disgusting, with the vile taste of vomit in her mouth and heavily blood shot eyes she looked up into the brilliant pools of blue and she didn't see disgust staring back at her. Racking her brain for an explanation she settled on the fact that he either had an incredibly strong stomach or he wasn't fazed by her wretched appearance.

"Troy?" she croaked out, calling his name for what felt like the millionth time that day.

Her eyes were drooping closed as she balanced on the edge of consciousness but she willed herself to remain awake.

"Troy, tell me who you are? Why am I thinking these things?" her pleading eyes were larger than ever as she begged to be wrong, things would be so much simpler if she were.

He opened his mouth to speak but struggled to explain his exact purpose without adding further to her confusion.

"Gab…I…well…I'm here to help you. I've been watching you for…" he pause to think, attempting to calculate an exact time scale before pursuing his initial line of thought.

"…for a long time anyway and, well, the thing is that…I'm not what you would refer to as alive."

Despite the massiveness of his revelation he remained somewhat calm, probably because the fact that he was dead was nothing new to him. In fact death was something that he would never be able to forget. He kept this to himself for fear of what it might do to the brunet girl in front of him, she already looked delicate enough.

"So you're dead then." She stated, trying to clarify to herself.

"Yes"

"Dead, as in…dead?" she mused, replaying the words in her head.

"Yes" His reply was tinted with just a twinge of irritability.

"So…you're dead then…" she stated once more, sounding out every syllable with complete integrity "as in, dead? You're sure, right?"

"Gabriella, I'm dead as in dead and any other way you can possibly pronounce d-e-a-d and believe me, I'm pretty sure about it bearing in mind that I died and all."

For the first time in the short while that she'd known him, Gabriella witnessed Troy loose his cool so she took it to mean that he was being _deadly_ serious.

More wake from her trance like state she seen a thousand questions flash before her eyes but there was no way that she could eloquently conjure up sophisticated sentences from them, so she waited patiently for him to continue.

As his sky blue eyes met with her sad and confused brown ones he sighed, defeated in his mission not to give anything else up before continuing in much softer voice.

"Do you believe in god Gabriella?" he questioned.

"Eh…I…I don't really know" she responded but then her tone changed as years of misery flooded back.

"No, I don't…but wouldn't you be in a better position to inform me on that front?"

Smirking slightly at her response Troy continued to answer her thoughts.

"Well Gabriella, let me tell you that god is very much real and he is not as forgiving as he is made out to be" he stopped to gauge her reaction at his half serious statement before continuing;

"Before we can go to our 'eternal rest' or however you want to refer to it we have to face what we've done in our lives, bad and good and we wait to get the all clear. Some of us are even given a task to do…if we have to compensate for any _major _wrongs.

So one day while hanging out in purgatory with some of my ghosty friends I got the call. I was told that there was a girl who needed help, who needed saved and as much is I felt like I was completely unsuited to the task I was forced to accept.

So I watched and waited until the ideal time to jump in came along and here I am…"

Her incredulous words filled the silence as she mocked what he had just told her, what she was too afraid to believe.

"So…you're my…guardian angel then, well aren't I lucky!"

Before he could continue she released another vicious bite, using all of her remaining strength to protest against his revelations.

"And who says I need your help?"

And with that she passed out, saved from hitting the cold bathroom floor by his strong arms, arms which picked her up and carried her to her bed where he placed the duvet cover neatly around her tiny frame.

"…I'm no angel Gabriella, not after all that I've done" he sighed, sadness and lonely anger swimming in his darkening blue eyes.

**A/N: ok thanks again for reading and let me know what you think of this one. apologies for the fact that i have nothing more creative to say because its now 2.30am here.lol xxx**


	6. Euphoria

**Ok, sorry about the massive time delay with this but i had exams to fail lol. I am now off for 4 months!! so updates should be more frequent. Apologies if the content is not that great. This is what happens when i stop writing for a while lol, i promise it will get better, im still trying to find my writing style so please try and put up with me lol.**

**Once again thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed, it means alot that you take the time to do so :) thanks!! Also big thanks to kristabell for always keeping me right and for liam for motivating me to get back to writing this ;) Love you both xxx**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing :(**

Uncomfortable nights were nothing new to Gabriella, but this particular Sunday had to have been one of the worst she'd experienced in some while. The hours continued to drag in as she tossed and turned alone in the darkness, her involuntary movements preventing her from a restful slumber.

Feeling as though she had been run over by a bus several times, Gabriella lay there, waiting for her alarm to sound, giving her the signal that she could begin her day, just as she would begin any other menial task.

On hearing the intense beeping she managed to pull her self from her bed and shuffle in a disorientated fashion towards the bathroom, each step slow and painful due to the stiffness of her muscles.

With her eyes half closed and her vision still blurred she felt her way around the small tiled room until she found the door to the shower. Peeling off each item of clothing slowly and self consciously until she stood naked beside the glass door it suddenly dawned on her that the attire now scattered precariously across the floor was the same outfit which she had selected for wear the previous day.

In her delicate state it was impossible to compress the memories of the previous day, the memories of Troy and his revelation which all came flooding back to her.

She carefully entered the shower, leaving the glass door open and turned on the water jets whilst twisting around so that she was looking directly onto the space beside the toilet.

Being the first to use the shower that morning the water was still freezing and the icy streams bit into her skin, leaving it raw and cold. Gabriella didn't even realise that she was shivering all over as her eyes remained focused on the emptiness before her. Thoughts of Troy took over as she felt the need to see him again, for him to touch her again because his presence alone distracted her from everything that she was and everything that she wished she wasn't.

She could not explain the desire to see him; it was unlike anything that she had ever felt. Deciding that there were no words to construe her emotions towards him she exhaled heavily and closed her eyes to the morning.

Of everything and everyone that she had ever known he was the only thing that could overtake her just as the drugs could. Just by existing he contradicted every foundation that her life was built on and Gabriella was in no doubt that he did indeed exist, in some form or another and felt no fear that he wasn't quite living.

In her haze of thought she had completely forgotten her place and it was only the ringing sound of her mother's alarm clock in the next room that recaptured her consciousness and it was then that she felt the cold.

Slumping into the corner of the shower in a heap of confusion and misery she sat there, her vulnerability exposed to the world as she curled herself up further, subconsciously longing for security.

Her first thought was for the drugs, her self confessed security blanket but her last thought was for Troy, the stranger who watched over her in her sleep.

* * *

The ride to school was silent as Gabriella sat in the passenger's seat of her mom's conservative black car, gladness ensuing when they finally stopped, reaching their ultimate destination.

The students of East High School were in high spirit despite the fact that the dreaded return to school was now upon them. There seemed to be a parade of red and white, colossal eruptions of noise and masses of students piling out of the yellow school bus.

But Gabriella Montez was unaware of all the action happening around her, she was too engrossed on keeping her tired eyes firmly focused on the ground and her mind firmly focused on making sure she completed each step. Already her energy was drained; she doubted that she could last the expanse of the day.

Making her way to the entrance of the building and shakily walking through the corridor until she reached her locker Gabriella wished for nothing more than the ability to simply disappear. She could feel countless eyes on her, speculating, questioning, and disapproving. Because of course her secret addiction was anything but secret to those around her.

As her hand made contact with the cold metal exterior of her locker she was brought out of her daze and she looked up for the first time since entering the building. Many heads snapped dramatically in the opposite direction so as to make their disgust less obvious. Needless to say they failed miserably. But the bolder amid the student body continued to look on, failing to take any common courtesy into account.

Breathing out Gabriella dismissed the negativity; it was nothing new anymore.

Just as she turned her attention back to her locker, two familiar faces caught her eye and she didn't know whether to run or be thankful as the two girls approached at a steady speed, the blonde slightly ahead despite the size of her heels.

Sharpay came to a sudden halt inches from her face, her coffee eyes stern yet compassionate and her long blonde locks still swishing behind her. Taylor followed suit seconds later, with a look on her face that echoed Sharpay's every sentiment.

"Hi?" Gabriella offered as more of a question, slightly nervous about facing a caffeine high Sharpay, most probably armed with the knowledge of her last night out with Taylor.

"Hi?" Sharpay threw back in typical drama queen fashion; although in this instance her tone was not unmerited.

"HI?!...AFTER YOUR LITTLE ESCAPADES THAT'S THE BEST YOU CAN OFFER?!...well 'hi' to you too Gabriella! I hope you had a fantastic night!"

Gabriella winced at the pitch of Sharpay's screeching but the words themselves went in one ear and out the other.

Sighing in relief at her friend's eventual silence she unclenched the muscles in her face and began to conjure up excuses in her head:

"Look…Sharpay, I…"

"In fact, why don't I come out next time too? Eh? We could make a night of it! A little music, a little dancing a little heroin perhaps? Sounds fabulous!!"

Gabriella glanced just to the side of Sharpay's slight yet somehow overbearing frame, looking to Taylor for help, pleading with dead eyes that had seen too much heartache, but Taylor stood her ground.

Both girls knew that now wasn't the time to be soft on Gabriella, they had made that mistake too many times before.

* * *

_The two girls exchanged horrified glances as they seen their friend lying, face down on the couch in the front room.__It was the afternoon after Sharpay and Ryan's big party and 'operation clear-up' was now in full swing. Unfortunately for them, anyone who had stayed the night was obliged to help and since no one dared defy Sharpay there was quite a lot of help at hand._

_Dropping the trash bag in her hand, Taylor rushed to where Gabriella lay, seemingly unconscious and rolled her over so that her face was showing._

"_Gabby! Gabby! It's Taylor…Gabby wake up!"_

_Sharpay was by Taylor's side almost immediately as both girls stared down at the small body taking up the couch, spread unevenly across it. There were dark, puffy circles around her eyes and her usually immaculate hair was contorted in a most outrageous fashion. But she was breathing and both sighed in relief, mocking their own over reaction._

* * *

Exchanging looks Taylor and Sharpay knew they were both thinking of that same moment and of the great irony of their relief. It was only the next day that they found out the real reason for the displacement of Gabriella's character that afternoon, each recalling her pleadings with poignant clarity.

"_I swear…I don't even know what I was thinking…I…I had know idea what I was doing…it all happened so fast…"_

They gave in then, believing that she was true to her word. After all, they had no other reason to doubt her, neither being fully aware of her past.

"Gabby, you need help." Taylor spoke, her words laced in sorrow and despair as Sharpay nodded in concurrence.

"And were going to help you…your our best friend Gabby, cant you see what your doing to yourself?"

All Gabriella could do was agree. Neither would ever understand and neither would ever be able to help but she couldn't crush them like that, she had to appreciate their intentions.

In complete honesty she just wanted to be alone, to be invisible, to be with Troy because she could see in his eyes that he'd felt pain too.

* * *

"_What do I do with it?" the petit 16 year old girl questioned holding an unfamiliar object in her hand._

"_Just hold it still!" an older boy stated in exasperation, his tone prompting Gabriella not to say another word. She merely nodded in understanding._

_The group had stealthily vacated the scene of the party, the lavish lower floor of the Evans family mansion, for the less luxurious back yard where they stood huddled under a shelter, avoiding the slight drizzle._

_Gabriella looked around the group, each of their expressions cold and distant, dreaming of some euphoria and anticipating its release like it was the only thing that mattered, like they would kill for it._

_Anyone with a hint of common sense would have ran a mile from the situation and perhaps Gabriella would have too, did she not bear the burden of naivety and had she not already been through what many would equate to hell._

_Images flashed in her mind; of her father, of her mothers helpless cries, of the steel prison bars in front of his face, of his clawing at their surface in some vain notion of freedom, of the frayed rope being removed from around his neck and his eyes being forcefully shut. They would never see the light again and she had resigned her self to live in some sort of semi-darkness too._

_Before she could give any further thought she was brought back to the present by the potent smell wafting around the air. Looking down, the piece of metal in her hands was now loaded with some sort of powdered substance, crackling and emitting fumes into the immediate surroundings. A lighter was being held underneath it, keeping the reaction going but she didn't even feel the conducted heat in the metal as a strange feeling kicked in, a feeling that she would spend the following years of her life searching for again:_

_Light-headedness._

_Relief._

_Escape._

_Euphoria._

* * *

Memories of the day were now obsolete to Gabriella as she sat on the steps at the back of her garden watching the sky darken, waiting for the signal that she was free to go out.

As yet more precious time slipped away, Gabriella, seemingly unaware of its finite status, merely watched it fly by until finally the blue glow of the moon told her it was safe to leave and that her mother had headed for the comfort of her bed.

Making as little noise as possible she ventured up the stairs, careful to skip over the creaky ones for fear of being caught. Opening the door with as much limited grace as she could muster she quickly grabbed her purse but sighed dejectedly at its empty contents. Before she knew what she was doing she was downstairs again, her hands hovering over her mom's purse in an almost possessed manner.

Fiddling with the metal zip, pulling it backwards and forwards with impeccable ease she quickly grabbed what money she could from inside, hoping that the lightning speed of her actions would make herself question them less.

Out of control she was literally running for the door, like a thief running from the crime scene.

Nothing could stop her now as her legs carried her independently to the wooden barrier. Fumbling with the keys in her hands she struggled to place them accurately into the lock, shaking with every movement, until the mechanisms finally releases and the door swung open at a rapid velocity.

One more step and nothing could stand in her way.

Except perhaps the figure blocking her escape, and although her body convulsed at the thought her tortured mind was somewhat relieved at his reappearance, wiling him on to end her rampage.


	7. And then

_One more step and nothing could stand in her way._

_Except perhaps the figure blocking her escape, and although her body convulsed at the thought her tortured mind was somewhat relieved at his reappearance, wiling him on to end her rampage._

* * *

Before she could hold the words in they had already escaped from her, forcing there way out from inside.

"MOVE!"

"Move out of my way!...GET OUT OF MY WAY!!" she literally screamed, shouting like she didn't care who heard.

At that particular moment even Gabriella herself couldn't deny that she had lost control, even though she would never admit to it. There exists a fine line between being in control and being controlled and it was plain to see that Gabriella Montez had crossed that line long ago.

Yet she still lashed out at him, flailing her arms in some hopeless attempt to move him from his standing position and even though all her efforts were futile it failed to register with her.

Taking a step towards her, he grabbed her frail arms in one swift movement, his taller height meaning that he was holding them up, slightly above her head.

"Troy…let go…let go of me!!..." she continued to plead, trying to writhe free of his strong grasp.

But he could see that her eyes told a different story than the words she spoke and he knew that his chance to save her was falling upon them. This was the signal he had been waiting for.

"I need to go Troy…I need to get there on time…Brian wont be there for much longer and I…I…TROY!!"

Despite her protests Troy didn't move, he simply let her use up what ever energy she had left until she collapsed on the floor in a pathetic heap. She tried to push herself up but to no avail as she simply fell at his feet again, completely at his mercy.

Her dead brown eyes were laced with red blood vessels and were surrounded by dark circles. Her skin was even more dry and cracked than ever and he knew that her forearms would be raw and bleeding under the long sleeved black top but he couldn't help but see her in a different light than everyone else. Maybe it was because he knew her so well or maybe it was something more.

Whatever it was his heart ached at seeing her like that because he knew that she could be so much more and he swore he heard her sigh in relief when he picked her up with ease and began to carry her up the stairs and towards her bedroom.

Clinging to him she relished the feeling of the most real thing she had ever known, despite the fact that Troy was no more real than any far of dreams of normality.

As he placed her down, flat on her back on the bed, she couldn't help but loose herself in his piercing blue eyes again. How they fascinated her. She couldn't quite decipher what she seen there nor did she have the energy, but it was unlike anything she had seen before.

Her body was running on empty, she was so weak that she could barley even feel the pain anymore but her desire burned on, taking every ounce of valuable fuel from her, parasitic in its nature, feeding from her.

So she just lay there, trying to block everything out whilst staring at him, noticing how his dark brown hair fell into his eyes, how his mouth was slightly crooked, how he looked at her, and this was enough to let her fall into the most peaceful sleep that she had experienced in a long time.

"Night Gabby." he whispered in the darkness, afraid to wake her from her short spell of serenity.

* * *

The morning came to soon for Gabriella, as did the unbearable pangs of addiction but when she finally arose the morning seemed different, the air seemed different and even the rain battering against her window seemed to have a certain tune to it, a rhythm of its own.

It was then that she realised she wasn't alone as she heard a gentle heartbeat sway to the sound of the weather and she suddenly mustered the energy to raise her head.

"What are you doing here?" she questioned groggily, staring at him in disbelief.

"I mean, don't you only come at…night?" she continued, clearly confused by the fact that he hadn't moved from the position she last saw him in.

"Well good morning to you too." Troy replied, sarcasm evident in his words, trying to hide the sorrow behind them.

She took her eyes off him for a minute to check the time on her clock which read 6.30 am and she knew she would have to get up soon and start getting ready for school. Turning back to face him she sat, waiting for an answer to her original query.

"I'm coming with you." His eventual response somewhat shocked Gabriella as she studied him, trying to find some indication to reveal his jest.

On deciding he was being deadly serious her jagged features found away to screw up despite their delicate state as she expressed her obvious dismay at the prospect.

"Eh…I don't think so." Gabriella flung the covers from her body as she spoke and began to gather clothes and other essentials whilst making her way to the shower.

"You can't!" she continued, almost talking to herself as she left Troy in the bedroom.

"I mean it's not possible…it's not plausible…it's not gonna happen Troy!"

Obviously wresting with some inner force her spoken words were a way of reassuring her head that she was making the right decision. She had let him see too much already, more than anyone else but she was strong enough to hold her guard up, she had to be.

"No, sorry…no." she continued to state definitively, trying to impose an air of confidence on the surroundings. No one could break through her hardened exterior.

"Gabby…" he began as his deep voice came from behind and she shook slightly in response.

"Yeah?"

"I'm coming with you." he said and his voice rang tirelessly in her ears.

His eyes were so sincere and she felt that connection as his hand brushed against hers and suddenly she was powerless against his wishes.

"Ok" was all she could say in response, her face meekly caving in at the sound of his words.

No one except from Troy could breakthrough.

* * *

The morning bell rang just as Gabriella took her usual seat in homeroom, halfway between Sharpay and Taylor, the only friends who had stuck with her. The others in the room were just a blur of faces, stealing occasional glances at her, talking among themselves, rushing crazily to finish off assignments but Gabriella didn't give a toss to the fact that her own bag was still full of half completed work (including a very ink stained history essay which she had decided against re-writing).

The room seemed dark and uninviting although nobody else seemed to notice the dullness of the sky outside or the greying floor tiles or the ghastly black fabrics that surrounded the windows or the fact that one leg of the desk appeared shorter than the other or the heavy aroma that clogged the air. To everyone else they might as well have been in a palace, but it was Gabriella through and through to see the clouds without the silver lining.

But she could also feel one thing that everyone else was oblivious to, he was right behind her and she knew this without even turning around. He was very much real, she was certain of that but he didn't exist and that was something that many would struggle to differentiate between.

She couldn't talk to him now, or acknowledge him at all. Although it would be fair to say that it wouldn't be particularly damaging to her reputation she was looking to avoid adding 'crazy and deluded psychopath' to the negative attributes littering her personal résumé.

As the class droned on, Gabriella could only make out the faint sounds of Ms Darbus preaching about the glory of the theatre but her attention soon left the vicinity of the room completely and her thoughts wandered off. She could feel the addiction engulfing her again, whispering to her, urging her on, telling her that this time she would find all that she was looking for.

She was in a dangerous position, being pulled in all directions by opposing forces, feeling like she was about to be ripped apart at any minute and she needed something to calm her nerves. One call would be all it would take. One call and she would be sorted. One call and she would be back to square one again, trapped in a vicious circle, preyed upon by her own vulnerability and insecurities.

In coming to mentally believe that she needed the drugs for security her body had come to depend upon them for its very existence, a most deadly concoction that had her ensnared without much prospect of escape.

The minutes dragged by, agony ensuing further with each passing moment. An internal battle of her heart and her mind, between her true self and the creature that she had become tore though every vein in her body, piping hot, searing her skin as her temperature sky rocket to treacherous levels.

Troy? He connected with _Gabriella_, he brought out her inner self, soothing her pain like no one else could.

Drugs? Her master, they created her, they created the Gabriella that was not the shy and timid girl who couldn't face the world. She had to serve them. She had no choice, did she?

The bell rang again, monotonous to her ears as students traipsed out, somewhat eager to escape the world of Shakespeare until they stopped half way, realising the next class was math or something equally stimulating.

Gabriella couldn't get out quick enough as she strode forwards, almost leaping to the corridor where she turned in the opposite direction to the majority of her class mates, searching for her phone with fumbling hands, pushing a sequence of buttons that held her fate.

As she pressed the phone to her ear Troy rushed through the mass of bodies to keep up with her. He couldn't quite make out her words but he was afraid he already knew. Finally catching up to her, with Taylor and Sharpay too far behind to notice he grabbed her by the hand, hoping to halt her steps but she kept going, with that almost possessed like quality he had seen on her the night before.

"Where are you going?" his questioning blue eyes glanced over her.

"I thought your class was thi…" he continued, only to be cut off by her sharp response.

"I'm going to the toilet if that's ok with you?" she replied icily in hushed tones, her eyes looking up to meet his, daring him to defy her.

He thought for a moment, pondering, trying to determine her purpose but before he could make a decision he felt himself being dragged towards the girls bathroom. Looking down he noticed that his hand still enclosed her tiny wrist so he let go and watched her charge on until she came face to face with the emulsion door.

"Where do you think your going?" she panicked slightly as she seen Troy following behind her.

"Um…with you" he stated as if it was possibly the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh no you don't Troy Bolton, don't you realise that this is the girls bathroom? Sorry, girls only!" her reasoning almost convinced herself as she spoke as quietly as she possibly could, trying to avoid drawing anymore attention to herself.

"Gabs.." he began "you do realise that I have been watching you for years…I've seen it all, believe me…"

He stopped on receiving her glare and reluctantly resigned himself to the fact that he was not going to win this one.

"5 minutes, and then I'm coming in…"

She never heard his last condition as she rushed in, her dark hair swinging wildly behind her, running into the cubical at the end of the row and slamming the door behind her with exasperated force.

Clawing at the lock she finally managed to snap it shut. She was secure, no one could get in.

She leant her back to the cold metal door, letting it cool her temperature and giving her a rest stop to catch her breath. The flickering lights of the room sent her brain into a crazed spiral until she didn't notice her surroundings at all.

With her chest still heaving up and down she swallowed loudly, contemplating the consequences of what she was about to do, but reason soon left her as she heard two knocks on the frosted glass window above the toilet.

Climbing onto the seat with a distinct lack of grace and agility she hustled with the clip on the window, prying it open before staring down at the figure below her. His dull blonde hair was blowing in the wind and he wore a large parker coat to protect himself from the cold and rain. His yellow teeth glistened and his eyes seemed darker than she remembered, but none of this mattered.

"This is all I have." the petite brunette offered whilst hanging half out of the window, reaching down with the last of her money in her hands.

Brian's scowl softened on seeing her produce the cash, although slightly lower than his asking price he was always willing to make allowances for 'regulars' such as Gabriella.

"You owe me…" he countered as his rough hands dug into his pocket and handed Gabriella over the object of her desire. Then he was off, hanging round in one place for too long was not an option for a snake of his calibre.

Sinking back down onto the floor she sat, huddled against the wall, vandalised with messages and scrawling of past and present students. Twirling the object in her hand she breathed out heavily, failing abysmally in controlling her emotions.

The rapid increase of her breath sent the adrenaline pumping through her. This was it. The grand reunion. What she had been denied for too long. This made sense.

"This makes sense." she reassured herself "This makes sense."

Pulling up her long sleeve to reveal the tormented flesh of her forearms she began to shake more than usual, anticipating the ecstasy that one injection would bring.

The needle hovered above her skin, just below the inside of her elbow as she touched it to the tracing of a vein.

"This makes sense."

And with that final sentiment the sharp metal, of unknown origin penetrated her, puncturing the thin layer of skin which held her together. She winced at the pain until other sensations took over.

Feeling the liquid soar though her veins was like a grand homecoming as her body began to twitch and convulse at the alien substance running through her, like a deadly virus.

The point of release was nearing, this had to be it. A cold sweat took over her as she leant her head back against the smooth wall. In the distance she could hear voices and movement but nothing distinct enough to draw her from her trance.

She even swore she heard someone call her name, but the sound was nothing more that a muffled cry as her hand dropped lifelessly by her side, releasing the used needle from her grasp allowing it to roll away from her.

The world around her was a haze, colours faded into darkness as she struggled to remain up right, she swore she was in control, she had chosen to obey her master. It was her decision, wasn't it?

The high was coming, she could feel it, flight was at lift of point, boiling over, her rapid breathing sending her mind into a frenzy of crazed desire and then…

Darkness.


	8. Your strength

**just a quick note to say thanks for all the reviews, keep letting me know what you think! i dont know how i feel about this chapter, i never intended to write it like this but my fingers had a mind of their own on this one hehe. also thanks to kristabell as always for checking this over for me, love ya :) ok, enough rambling and bambling from me...**

Beep…beep…beep.

Flickering her eyes open and glancing upon the bright white of the ceiling her first thoughts were along the lines of 'am I dead?' but the distinct 'clean' smell aroused her senses far enough for her realise that she was still alive, lying in a pristine white bed in what she could only assume to be a hospital.

She felt sick and completely zapped of energy and was pretty convinced that her outward appearance would replicate this. To tired to move, her bloodshot eyes rolled back in her head slightly as she passed between awake and asleep, struggling to remain in either state.

Beep…beep…beep.

The life support machines continued to serve their purpose, emitting noise in threes, echoing the beat of her heart. Her breath was ragged and sped up noticeably as she looked down at her hands. In her state of drifting in and out of consciousness, she envisaged them as being tied to the bed by solid metal cuffs. She even swore the air was thickening around her, constricting her lungs further, making it almost impossible for her to find steady breath.

To her fragmented mind the room appeared to turn a dark shade of grey and started spinning with a most violent energy. Occasional flashes of brilliant white light blinded her, burning her eyes, even when she slammed them shut she could not escape her visions. Her head thumped and she could feel the choked blood vessels of her brain expanding and contracting against her skull. The throbbing pain agitating her weak and damaged body further and she broke out into a cold sweat, matting the hospital garments to her corpse like form.

Her mind had created this scenario of her being imprisoned, but what she seen seemed scarily real. A reflection of reality. She tried desperately to wrestle her arms free of the chains that confined them, but all that achieved was a burning sensation on her wrists. She could feel the blood trickle down her arms at an agonizingly slow rate, like blood would seep from the victim in a horror movie. This was her horror movie. She was trapped. There was no one there to help her. She had to escape…

She was finally brought from her nightmare by the touch of a hand to her sticky forehead. The sudden contact forced her bolt upright where she spun around to be looking straight onto Troy. The look on his face told her that her dream was not too far from veracity and as she looked around the room she observed that she was still lying in the same hospital bed.

Beep beep…beep beep…beep beep.

Her heart rate increased two fold on remembering the events of the day before and she sunk back down to the discomfort of her bed slowly, still trying to pan out her racing heartbeat. This was another of those times when she wished she possessed the superhuman ability to disappear. Looking to the other side of her, her mother sat, hunched over in a chair, her head in her hands, crying silent tears.

Gabriella could not shake the wonderment of what the world would be like if she had never existed at all. A better place surely? Maybe her dad wouldn't have beat her mom, maybe he would still be alive? Maybe her mom would be happy? Maybe Sharpay and Taylor would be happy too? They all deserved to be happy, even if her own existence was the sacrifice. She deserved none of their compassion, she deserved nothing at all.

Doctors and nurses bustled around the room, attending to the other patients who occupied the vicinity, but none acknowledged her. She could only presume that none of their injuries were self inflicted as hers were.

Gabriella often thought it strange how she could feel so alone, even when surrounded by people.

Wide eyed she turned to Troy, waiting for some kind of response, anything. But he stayed silent, he couldn't even look her in the eye. In truth he was hurt, because he cared so much for her. He couldn't let this go on, she was to young to endure such torture.

* * *

Darkness had fallen but she still lay in the same position that she had this morning. Her brain was working overtime, thinking, even though she had no idea what to think. Everything was a mess. It was fine before Troy came along, she knew what she wanted then. But now, his presence alone was strong enough to pull something from her that she didn't know she had anymore. When two opposing forces decide to use your body as a battleground the outcome is never pretty.

Her mother had left around an hour ago. She hadn't said a word, but she had still held her daughters hand and checked her temperature and spoke to the doctors and nurses about her path to recovery. It was an unconditional love, no matter how much Maria was hurting she would always put her only child first, even if her efforts went unnoticed and unappreciated by Gabriella.

Troy was still there though. He too hadn't said a word but he reached out to grab hold of her hand now that they were alone. Her heart fluttered despite the fact that she was still dozing between consciousness and sleep but then she felt something else that she hadn't felt in a long time.

Heartache.

The disappointment on his face caused her to tense up with shame, only Troy could have this effect on her, he was the only one who she had felt the need to listen to, the only one who she felt the need to please and it tore her apart to know that she wasn't capable of doing so. Something else was draining the ability from her and she wasn't sure if she was powerful enough to fend it off.

"I'm not strong enough Troy…I…I don't have the energy to fight this…" she whispered hoarsely, conceding to defeat.

After a long silence she turned to him, despite the pain shooting through her on movement. Her words were hushed, but potent and he couldn't help but take notice.

"Say something…anything…I tried, I really tried this time…"

And it suddenly hit her that she was trapped. It suddenly hit her that she wasn't in control. And her brown eyes widened, alarmed and completely terrified as she suddenly realised just how scared she was.

"I really tried."

* * *

The moonlight shone high in the sky and bounced off the two figures that lay side by side on the hospital bed, creating an ambience which masked the horrifying reality of the situation.

The boy lay flat on his back, his cobalt blue eyes still opened and his arms around the girl who lay to his side, curled up beside him, tentatively praying that their current reverie would not be broken. She appeared to be asleep as his hand absentmindedly reached up to stroke her hair in a soothing, rhythmic motion and he took the chance to whisper to her.

"It'll be ok Gabs…we can get through this…we will get through this…" His voice shook slightly at the immensity of his promise but it didn't make it any less genuine or any less heartfelt.

"I'm scared Troy…I don't think I can do it, I …its been too long." she spoke back to him, her eyes heavy and her words unsure and faltering.

Burying her head further into his chest she sought some sort of comfort, anything to reassure her of his sincerity, but experience had taught her that trust didn't come easy. She didn't trust anyone, least of all with her heart.

Still, there was something about lying there with him that alleviated her anxiety and despite the pain wracking through her she couldn't help but tremble wordlessly at his touch.

"Gabs listen to me!" he pleaded, his haunting pools of blue casting their crystallised gaze over her.

The moon light hid her past and she looked pure and innocent as he cupped her chin in his soft hand and brought her level with his face whilst elegantly brushing a midnight tendril from her eyes.

His words were laced with more emotion than she had ever known, with pain and agony, but more than this with the incandescence of a new hope and the promise of a second chance.

"We will get through this." he reassured, his vows by far starching the boundaries of everything that she had ever known. His icy blue orbs spoke to her just as his words did, passion pouring from them. She was sure she could see their alluring magnetism despite the peaceful darkness encasing their bodies.

"Together." he continued.

Her breath caught in her throat at his sentiment, and suddenly she felt stronger. She could see the light at the end of the tunnel and she could almost smell the clean air, he took her there, to the place that she only now dared to dream of.

She opened her mouth again, as if to test his resolve, to check if this was real, to defy his intentions, but he silenced her before she even spoke.

"You've got to stop trying to get through this alone…your right, you will never beat this by yourself, you don't have the strength.

Let me be your strength."

She buried her face into the crook of his neck, taking in everything about him, drinking in his presence but she didn't feel worthy to even touch him, because he had just promised her life.

"Thank you." she whispered to his skin and he pulled her closer, allowing her to lean on him while tracing invisible circles along her battered body.

Gabriella cherished the comfort of the moment because she knew what lay ahead would be treacherous ground to walk upon and her biggest heartache if she failed.

* * *

Troy pulled the petite girl next to him closer, trying to find the perfect balance of security; he was afraid to break her but at the same time he needed to reassure her. She was scared and broken and he felt so compelled to protect her, to fix her. He too found it hard to trust others but there was something about her that told him she was for real. She mesmerised him, always had but it was now, in knowing her personally that he could sense that he was falling for her and it scared him how fast.

But he had to be her rock, his own desires couldn't stand in the way of healing her and he doubted he would be able to take the strain of admitting his true feelings for her as he knew all too well that he could never act upon them.

So he continued to cradle her in his arms, wishing her to sleep through her pain and he continued to promise her that it would all be ok. At the same time his heart continued to hurt because once she had recovered he'd be nothing but a distant memory to her, from a time that she would do anything to forget.

_1 minute had passed first, then two, then 6, then 10 until he couldn't wait any longer. Each passing moment was a sort of painful agony. He was impatient at the best of times but he was well aware that the current circumstances were far from desirable. He began to panic, thinking up all possible outcomes. He shouldn't have left her, he should have insisted that she didn't go in alone. What if she had done something stupid? And it would be all his fault!_

_His mind raced as he contemplated all of the thoughts compressed into his head, swimming around eerily. He had to go in, he couldn't leave her. He would never forgive himself if he did…_

He was brought from his haunting memory by the intriguingly beautiful girl still lying in his arms. She was awake again, transfixed on his face as though she could tell what he was thinking. It was the connection that they shared and he knew he couldn't hide his pain from her just as she couldn't disguise her own from him.

Her small hand reached up to his chest and her fingers hovered there delicately as she raised her head so that she was level with him. She was so intoxicating, and no matter how hard he tried to hold it in he knew he could not keep his past from her and his breath hitched in his throat on the knowledge of what was coming next.

"Troy…how are you…I mean how did you…die?"


	9. Final hours

**Im back lol! Sorry about the massive wait. I took a break to write about pigeons, then my charger broke twice grr, and then i was just plain stuck and deleted and restarted the whole thing more times than i can remember. Anyways, thanks so much krispall for all your help, really, thanks :) And thanks to everyone who has read so far, i hope its ok.**

"Troy…how are you…I mean how did you…die?"

* * *

_Albuquerque, New Mexico. July 19__th__ 1974._

…_The midday sun scorched his back as he stood directly in it's path but his intense blue gaze did not falter, not even for a moment. Sweat matted his dark brown hair to his forehead but this reaction wasn't solely caused by the heat. He approached the building in front of him, succumbing to his worries as he treaded carefully across the discarded garden. _

_Each step was cautious yet definitive._

_It had been over 15 minutes now, she should only have taken 5, 10 at a push. She was an expert, one of the best, but he knew all too well that even the best could fall, he had seen it too many times to forget._

"_Bolton! Hurry man, we've got to get out of here!" _

_He heard the voice plain as day, calling him back to relative safety. It sounded like Austin but he couldn't be sure, his attention was focused elsewhere._

"_Where are you going? Move! The cops are gonna be here soon!" _

"_EITHER THAT OR THE SCUM!"_

_And yet another called to him as the scurrying stampede of footsteps faded into the distance and the shouts and screams of 20 or so men seemed to fade away with them; running from harm or imminent captivity. Still, Troy, for all of his knowledge and stature, rushed in the opposite direction and right into harms powerful hold. It was all for her sake. His feelings for her ran too deeply._

_Every time he seen her all coherence left him. From the very moment they met she made him breathless with her presence alone. He would risk his freedom for her, he would risk his life for her. He loved her…_

* * *

"Troy?"

He was brought back from thoughts of another time by the sound of Gabriella's voice. It seemed to catapult him to recall that now was not the time for him to be weak, not the time to let such memories to be aired in the open. He had carried his past alone for so many years; he couldn't stumble now, not before they reached the end of the road.

It was his burden and it would be with him always, both physically and mentally and, in accordance, he lowered his head to look straight at her, praying that he could disguise his inner torment.

"Troy, tell me…please?" Continuing to look down at Gabriella he seen a little bit of _her_ in those chocolate brown eyes, pleading with him to reveal the course of his destiny. At the same time she was confirming what he dreaded most: she had already seen right through him.

It suddenly hit him how cold the air in the hospital room was, dense with all sorts of emotions; apprehension, fear, desolation and despair. Light was sparse and he had to strain his eyes to fully take in Gabriella, her questioning orbs searching his soul for an answer.

"Not now Gabs, you need to rest, go back to sleep."

He often avoided the rumination because it simply pained him too much. Even now, just skirting over the issue his heart felt heavy and bruised.

Noticing his far off azure gaze she bit into her lower lip, trying to determine the reason behind his visible agony. Pain was pouring from him, that much was evident and only highlighted by the twilight around them, but he kept the rest of his emotions well guarded, just as she did. Such a trait would frequently lead the ignorant to brand them cold and callous. Icy. But that wasn't even scratching the surface.

She reached up to touch the side of his face, her fingertips lingering on his smooth skin, edging dangerously closer to his lips before she could even realise what she was doing. His eyes closed at the feeling of her touch, sending shockwaves through him as she leant over further to whisper close to his mouth, her words quivering at their own intensity.

"Tell me. You've seen everything of me, my past, my pain, my fears…let me see yours."

The sentiment elicited a shudder from him too. Revering at the sound of her sweet tones he allowed himself to wonder, if just for a moment, whether she could be the one to melt him.

Meanwhile, Gabriella waited patiently for his response, and in some seemingly insane role reversal she now sought to be the one to heal him, not simply to distract her from her own deviations, but because she cared. Because she couldn't bear to see him hurting.

Pulling back from him slightly so that she could take him in from a distance, she allowed her trailing fingers to drop and take grasp of his shoulder, noticing the tenseness of the muscle beneath.

"I was 19." He finally spoke, his words tainted with sorrow and regret, but also with a knowledge that only experience can bring, a sort of subconscious warning.

Judging by his appearance she had already placed his age somewhere in the same bracket as her, but on his confirmation, it just felt so wrong and unjust. He was too young to have died and she was narrowly avoiding the same fate, an ultimate end which her earlier epiphany had made poignantly clear.

"What happened?" Her argument had a certain force behind it as she pressed further for an answer, a reason for his being, as he was, there with her…She couldn't help but question how she, of everyone suffering, had been gifted such a 'saviour'.

Her usually dull brown eyes were glowing with a assured warmth and colour despite the coldness all around them, emitting an essence of comfort and security in some obscure way.

"I was…not a nice sort of person, you know?" His face scrunched up on recalling his troubled past and his perfect features seemed to distort before her.

"What do you mean?" Gabriella continued hesitantly, not quite understanding or perhaps not quite wanting to believe. She had experienced too much of that already.

Troy sighed deeply, how could he tell her? What would she think of him if he told her all that he'd done? About his dealing with the law and mindless criminal activities, the robberies and fights?

Gang culture had absorbed him into its midst, as it had done for many at the time and living in the same relative poverty. But he knew now that his social standing wasn't any excuse, it was just something that people would use to cover up regrettable actions, an 'excuse' for those who didn't want to admit that they had done wrong, that their very reason for existing was…wrong.

"It was a different time…not like now. You had to fight for honour, and tradition…and survival." He paused for a moment, hesitating slightly to gauge her response before continuing. The words that he would have once spoken with passion were now nothing but a rehearsed drone.

"Everyone had their guys, to back them up, you know what I mean?"

"Like a gang?" She interjected, her words sounding far colder than she had intended, after all, her own stature was hardly a shining example to society. She didn't move, remaining curled up beside him, waiting for him to continue. In some ways it comforted her to know that Troy wasn't perfect. It made him seem more real.

"I guess you could say that…but it wasn't really a voluntary operation. If you weren't in you were out, and if you were out then you…were nothing at all."

His voice tailed off on realising the pettiness of the whole thing, only wishing he had seen the light sooner and he looked away in shame, still choosing to punish himself for the past.

"So I'm guessing you were 'in' then?" She asked, suddenly finding the energy to enquire further despite the ordeal of the previous day.

On his silence she softly allowed her frail hand to turn his face back to her. He didn't even need to speak, his eyes told her the story. She suspected that the sadness in them would be ever present and that whatever had happened to him had scared him for eternity. And then she realised just how similar they actually were.

"Umm…yeah, I was in and believe me, now that I think back I wish I hadn't have been, but I was. That was just the way it had to be. My brother was, my dad was, and his dad before that…

It was tradition, the rivalries ran through generations of families to the point where the ones who were left had no idea what we were actually fighting over, we just were. It wasn't something you could question, it was just accepted I guess."

He finished abruptly, searching to find his composure again. If he was useless for everything else he had to stay strong. He couldn't let Gabriella suffer for his mistakes.

The darkness around them was now in its most viscous condition. Even though he couldn't see her, he could feel her. As her tiny fingers slipped between his own larger ones he breathed out in relief, finding what he was looking for where he least expected it. Understanding. Acceptance.

She took a moment before speaking again, her voice remaining soft. "Rivalries? With who Troy?"

Her question brought it all back to the forefront of his mind, not that his past could ever be forgotten. He carried it with him always; every death, every blood curdling scream, every innocent life caught up in the cross fire. But more than that he had to live with the fact that he was once so strongly in favour of everything that he now knew to be wrong with the world. He sighed deeply before continuing, not even questioning that he was sharing the substance of his perpetuity with her when he swore that he would never reopen that book again.

"Anyone really who would be seen as a threat…

but mostly the West side. East against West, an age old duel and there was always blood shed, lives lost and over what? Nothing Gabi…nothing at all…"

* * *

_Albuquerque 1978; Desolation and despair reaped the outskirts of town, with the opposing East and West ends being worst hit._ _Troy had often thought it an intolerable cruelty that the central affluence was paraded right in front of them, yet this utopian world was something that the less well off could only dream of. There could be no mistake about who belonged where. The grimness of the fog choked the outer towns and the residents were not sure if light would ever shine on them again. _

_In the time where the working class should have held together as one they had became each others arch nemesis, a bitter hatred brewed after decades or trivial fights, threatening to boil over at any moment. Right now, these were the darkest years._

* * *

Her eyes were heavy as she contemplated the situation. She could see the memories flash before him, cutting him deep, their ministrations stabbing her too.

"You were killed? In a fight?.."

Troy shook his head, sombrely and sincerely, wishing it was that simple.

"No, I mean…I knew what I was doing Gabi, I was up there with the best, even at 16 or 17 I was up there."

His words themselves were proud but his tone was unfulfilled, bordering on self disgust as his jaw clenched and he ran a hand shakily through his mussed hair.

"They called it a natural instinct and I never once looked back because that instinct was going to take me places, give me a stature that everyone dreamed of.

People actually wanted to be me! People wanted to be born with hatred and resentment running through them, and deadly ambition driving them on because that was all I was…

and I resent all of those things I once loved about myself now."

He swallowed hard trying to rid himself of the bitter taste he was left with as Gabriella lay her head back down upon him, her raven curls splayed all around her as she comforted his painful devastation.

"No Troy, Listen to me… you are so much more than that. To me you might as well be fucking god! Troy, you've helped me already in more ways than you will ever know…remember that." Here Gabriella Montez was, in a place she never thought she'd be, begging for another to realise their worth and realising that she too had to discover her own.

"So who killed you? I mean how…? I don't understand Troy…"

He shut his eyes again, remembering the exact day that he met _her_, everything about that day was so…perfect, there were no other words for it. The connection they shared only blossomed thereafter.

She had the most amazing copper hair, the sun literally bounced off it, and it was always sunny when she was around. He was sure she brought it with her wherever she went. She had the deepest brown eyes he had ever seen, smooth and soft and flecked with gold. Her rose coloured lips would often burst into a smile of their own accord and every movement seemed more like a dance.

And her laugh, how he loved her laugh. Even her name was a symbol of purity, of beauty, of innocence…

* * *

_The room was too crowed to even breath in as Troy struggled through the sea of party-goers, drinking in merriment at the prevalence of East over West. _

_Another of Austin's legendary parties, corruptly celebrating victory and death of the enemy was in full swing. Searching for his friend among the packed kitchen his direction was changed when he heard a voice coming from behind him._

"_He's out side."_

"_Oh…thanks."_

_Just as he was about to follow her instructions and head out to the back yard something pulled him back and he found his eyes falling upon her again, this time taking the opportunity to fully appreciate the sight._

"_Hey…I don't think I've seen you around before?" Troy questioned, staring down at quite possibly the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, watching as she timidly brushed a stray hair out of her line of vision._

"_Well I'm new in town, my parents just moved to Albuquerque." She offered in return, a sense of alluring mystery lining her words and he was instantly hooked._

"_I'm Troy."_

"_Lily."_

_A small smile played on his lips as he repeated her name over in his head. Lily._

* * *

"Please…Troy?"

He looked at her again, struggling to find the words.

"I did." He harsh statement caused her to gasp from deep within her as she held onto him tighter.

"No Troy…no…"

"I did…because I fell in love."

* * *

_The dark orange of the fast falling sunset illuminated the room as they stumbled around, searching in frantic fury for some surface to ram against. Their bodies were tangled together. His hands were running through her mid length hair, grasping it at the roots, too preoccupied to notice that the copper colour of it echoed the light streaming in mercilessly through the glazed windows. _

_Their mouths were sealed tightly together as their tongues battled ruthlessly in a seemingly age old duel, each fighting for that sense of dominance. Pulling away first to catch his breath, Troy looked down on her, her kiss swollen lips were open slightly, giving her that appearance of subtle innocence and as her caramel eyes glanced up at him._

_He swore that he had never seen anything more beautiful than her. Lily._

_Reconnecting their lips, the feeling of her body against his own only drove him to further his crime of passion and he walked her back at a steady rate, towards the eastern wall. Slamming her petite frame against it he returned to kissing her with every ounce of energy he could muster, trying to show her exactly how he felt and it didn't take much for her to return the sentiments._

_She let her had run down the defined muscles on his stomach, reaching the bottom of his shirt and then back up again, taking the thin material with her, breaking the kiss for a moment to take in the perfect sculpture of his half naked body standing before her. She couldn't help but shiver at his touch despite the fact that she had never been more aware that it was all a devious ploy, her curtain call, the final act._

_Reconnecting their lips once more, they changed direction and set for the central bed, allowing him to place her down with effortless force…_

_The room was dimly lit with the eventual sunset but there could be no mistake in determining the resolve of the two figures moving as one, covered only by a sheet of darkness. Their naked bodies moved together in a sensual rhythm, fused at their very core. Beads of sweat glistened on their silken skin, an indication of their passion and longing whilst their raging heartbeats sped up further, anticipating that moment of satisfaction and emancipation. _

_Stealing glances at her, Troy found it even more difficult to keep his erratic breathing controlled. She was the definition of perfection, even in her thoroughly ravaged state. _

_She was so flawless, but he didn't dare to question her intentions, he was only thankful that she had came into his life and into his arms. That she had allowed him that essential liberation that he had spent his life looking for and thankful that she had graced the earth with her presence at all._

"_Lily" He said her name aloud, treasuring what they shared but his whispered words were swiftly lost in a sea of pleasured moans._

_The screams of ecstasy echoing around the boxed room served as some proclamation to their love, a love of futile ambitions and deceitful foundations and what seemed so real in that one perfect moment would haunt him forever in a most bittersweet paradox._

* * *

The darkness was now becoming more powdered and they could once again make out the lining of solid objects cluttering the hospital ward. Yet neither Troy or Gabriella made the effort to notice that early morning was almost upon them.

Even though both were drained they still lay awake, contemplating everything that had been and everything that was to come.

"Troy?" she questioned, weary with sleep deprivation, while smoothing her tiny hands down his muscular body.

"Yeah?"

"Do you still…believe in love?"

He shook his head and she felt inwardly shattered, despite the fact that she didn't believe either. To her, love was something reserved for fairytales, and she would never have her own. Yet she still found herself asking why.

"Why?…because love screwed me over…"

And then it was all too clear.

* * *

_Albuquerque, New Mexico. July 19__th__ 1974._

…_The wood of the door frame was rough and the sharp ends were unpolished, most probably from years of neglect. It stung as he scuffed his hand against the surface, ripping his skin apart effortlessly. Still, he never even felt the open wounds seep blood until he looked down, there were much more important things to care for and time was precious in seeing to her wellbeing. _

_Stepping over the mahogany threshold Troy found himself rushing through the unknown home, finding the new territory difficult to navigate as he wound his way through countless rooms, each resembling the last indifferently. Not that he had any care for the décor of the house, he only wanted to find Lily, to make sure that she was safe. He couldn't even bear the though of life without her even though their acquaintance was not long running. But in the short time that he had know her he had become so infatuated with her, she had his heart in the palm of her hands and he didn't want it back._

_Coming to an off-shot room on the first floor he was stopped dead in his tracks on picking up the delicate sound of her breathing, swiftly he travelled through the open door way, his side brushing against the cream wall until a figure at the other side of the room came into view._

_There she stood, perfectly unharmed and glorious as ever with not even a hair out of place, relief was spreading over him in the knowledge that she was safe and he inwardly thanked whatever forces control such things. Yet as she stood there, immaculate as always something didn't seem quite right. There was a different aura about her and the air felt heavy and motionless, as if it too dared not move._

_For a split second their eyes connected, his brilliant blue questioning orbs searching for a reason for the evocative atmosphere lingering over them. She looked downwards, afraid that her expressive eyes would reveal too much, breaking all contact between them._

_Convinced of the derelict state of the property he was thrown of guard when a pair of strong arms took hold of him from behind, assisted then by another unknown attacker. Together they overpowered him, forcing him first to his knees and the to then almost fully to the ground, resting only slightly against the leg of one of the figures. The two forces remained in control, too burly for Troy to fight against in his confusion and shock as he tried to wrestle free of their poisonous hold. _

_No matter how he tried he couldn't match their brutality, he was unbeatable in one on one situations but it was always planned that they would take him this way. Had he not been in such a perilous situation Troy would have scoffed at the nature of their attack, having to resort to tricky to match his talent. Low and cowardly. _

_Especially when a third body arrived on the scene, aiding them further in their attempts, Troy realised that he was totally outnumbered and that his shouts and screams and his attempts to break free were without much effect. _

_Turning around, he managed only to seen the face of one of the men but that told him everything he needed to know. A face that put fear in the eyes of many with his large stature and sullen skin, his eyes demonic and hungry for fresh meat and saliva almost dripping from his wide mouth as he looked onto Troy. _

_Braeden: Held in reverence by anyone who came from the West side of town, elected to lead their forces into battle, and hated by everyone else. Pulling Troy by the hair, bending his head backwards as his two minions kept their catch secured, he displayed a taunting smile. Troy's breath was ragged as he tried to regain his seething composure, half from fear and half from a pure guttural hatred._

"_Well well well…look what we have here boys." _

_A malicious attempt at a laugh escaped from Braeden on hearing his own words before he continued on, revelling in his fortunes and success._

"_Right into the trap…"_

_Troy's stomach dropped as he looked across the room at her, standing there as though completely unaffected and he finally realised it was over. He found his greatest battle in struggling to accept the irony that it was the love of his life that had lead him to his grave. _

_He felt the knife pierce through his skin, cold to the touch as it punctured his heart. But the physical exertion of it was needless, it was already in pieces._

_She approached from her static position, and leant over his body, lying on the ground, watching the life drain from him slowly and painfully like she had watched it drain from so many others. He was just another job, another necessity of her life that she could just untangle her self from and discard._

_And he suddenly became agonizingly aware of the blood running down the delta of his chest, just as the blood of a 'great dynasty' of men ran through his veins, destined to run it's course before it's due time._

_The last thing he seen was her eyes, chocolate stained with subtle amber, but the way they looked upon him was harsh and merciless. More so, it was tormenting and menacing the way her eyebrows sat a little too far up her forehead and her chin looked a little too square for her delicate face and only then did he see her imperfections. Her red stained hands, marked with the lives of many gone before suddenly lost their glamour and his own star radically lost it's shine._

_He had always believed that his way of life was undoubtedly acceptable, that he had some divine right to take the lives of others into his own hands but now on the receiving end of ultimate mortality he saw what he was living wasn't a life, it was a lie._

_She placed a final chaste kiss to his lips, her efforts cold hearted and marred with the sour taste of incredulity. Then everything faded into blackness._

* * *

They say that love is blind, a game that can make a fool out of even the most seasoned players and cause them more pain and suffering than they would have ever imagined possible.

But perhaps her deceit was the ultimate blessing: As is much prophesised, it is only in the hours of death that life's true lessons are learned.


	10. Introspection

**A/N: If anyone even remembers this story then i have returned with a new chapter lol and it only took me 6 months! Sincerest apologies to anyone who may have been reading, i really do fail miserably at the whole updating thing, i guess i just lost my inspiration for about half a year haha. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter, it means so much that people take the time to do that so really, thank you all. Special thanks to kris for reading this over for me and to liam for her gentle persuasion to get this chapter written, *surprise* :P . There is possibley a million mistakes and its just a bit...not so great but hopefully the memory of how to write will come back to me soon. xxxxx**

* * *

Despite her vast knowledge of math and science there were still a few things that Gabriella found quite difficult to grasp. In her days of studious learning, burning questions often made her head their home, swirling around uncontrollably, hoping to bump into the answer. To her mind the theory was always simple enough, but her train of thought could never just stop there; she needed reasons, not merely solutions. That's where the difficulty always came in: comprehending the matter at hand, and try as she might she could never fight of the urge to tackle such uncertainties.

She had been so sure that such a time was only a distant memory but she found herself once again facing the unknown. Flopping back onto the pillow in sheer irritancy her face found itself involuntarily scrunched up, further creasing the deep bags around her eyes. There were so many thing that she needed to know:

What _really_ made her turn to drugs?

How could she possibly interact with Troy?

What exists beyond the boundaries? Beyond nothing? In that cold empty space that parallels the natural world and fills the holes in the universe?

She figured that it was acceptable for her mind to wander into such areas, after all she had been lying in the same hospital bed, brewing in the stale air for what felt like and eternity- although she guessed that the actual time scale would be somewhat less infinite.

Her chocolate eyes widened at the sound of footsteps shuffling in her direction and her heart skipped a few beats. His arrival was long overdue but that didn't matter now, so long as he was there. Her smile verged on coming alive again but alas it was not who she wanted it to be. Instead of Troy's drowning blue stare looking back at her, she was met with the image of her consultant.

Dr. Coleman, or so his name badge read was a small, scrawny man who over the last 3 days had repeatedly spoke almost directly to her mother as if completely overlooking her. She was 18, she didn't need to be treated like a child by some expensive old man acting like he knew her life history, what was best for her. There was only one person who knew her well enough to judge her and she loved the fact that he wouldn't dream of doing such a thing.

The doctors beady eyes were stern but lightened by the surrounding creases as they bobbled between Maria and the bound notes in his hand.

"Gabriella has been assisted through recovery of her physical injuries at this point by an alternation of the opioids methadone and buprenorphine…"

The monotonous sound of his droning meant nothing to her. The hospital staff may as well have been speaking a completely different language and she had other considerations that she needed to attend to. It wasn't that she didn't care, but what he was telling her was what she already knew. She knew about the effects of withdrawal, about the pain and the temptation, what she didn't know was whether she could make it through.

Momentarily glancing down at her feet, she noticed for the first time several yellow and purple bruises scattered across her legs yet didn't even have the faintest recollection of how they came to be there. Sighing, she figured that if no one could tell her what she needed to be told then there were more pressing issues requiring her concentration.

It had been two days since she had last seen Troy, or even felt his presence and that scared her. It instilled a fear in her that succeeded that of the pain, of the fact that she couldn't control her body as it violently shook in spasms or of the hollowness of her blood as it seeped through her sans the heroin it craved.

The moment that he had opened up to her he was gone again, almost as though he had revealed too much, then again, maybe it was simply the fact that he didn't want to return or want to see her at all. The thought hurt her because the only thing she could do was wait, she only hoped that she would see him again soon.

As agony seared through every inch of her, his lack of presence seemed to make crawling back into her miserable shell of a life a far more attractive choice. He had promised her, and she needed him to stay true to his word. She needed him.

She could still hear his reassuring voice in the back of her mind and it was her only form of comfort, without which she found herself empty and alone.

And she was back at the beginning again. Was it possible that beyond infinity lay nothing but emptiness?

Fazing out her thoughts and Dr. Coleman's drabbling she put all of her concentration into playing with a lock of ebony hair, picking at the dry ends and twisting it sadistically around her finger, pulling it tight so that she could feel the pain. Depression had such a strong hold and she desperately sought a distraction.

She needed reasons, not merely solutions: when had she gotten lost in the vortex and become so absorbed in emptiness?

Was she nothing but a black hole?

The past two nights had been unending and relentless, like a nightmare that she couldn't wake up from. It was the nights that she feared most. There, callous blackness reigned supreme, creeping up on her with a cunning stealth that caused trepidation to take over and surrounding her in a thick mist. Gabriella often envisaged the night as the ultimate predator, and, much like a predator observes its prey before swooping in for the kill, she too was under surveillance.

But what lies in the shadows isn't a physical being, a monster from childhood memories; it is something even more sinister, for it is real.

The darkness acts as a mirror reflecting ones own fears, reflecting the deepest secrets that haunt the wounded soul, sucking every inch of life from it. It preys on fear, and on those who are most afraid.

Dreading another night alone Gabriella began to shake again, loosing complete awareness of her surroundings as violent convulsions ran through her like an electric shock.

She knew that darkness didn't act alone: Solitude was it's greatest ally.

Abandoned without her shield, she could feel it, she could feel the dark eyes cast over her. Watching. Capturing her every move. It was only a matter of time before it unleashed it's fiery attack and no matter how prepared she was, Gabriella knew that it would catch her off guard, forcing her to fall into the trap of her own dismay.

Night brought her face to face with her greatest demons. Desolation. Loneliness. Isolation. Any resistance was not worth the effort because the battle was all but lost. It seemed as though it was only a matter of time before it ensnared her fully and until that moment she would have to live on borrowed life as her soul struggled to hold its shattered self together.

Recovering slightly from her phase, she grasped both sides of the bed that she was now perched upon, almost feeling it whither below her touch. She could escape this hospital ward, she could escape from the country but darkness would still chase her.

There was only one place where she knew it wouldn't reach her and if she went there she wouldn't have to be alone, she wouldn't have to live in constant anxiety that at any moment the night would catch up with her. Yet here she was, stuck in limbo between two worlds and she couldn't keep the thought from running through her mind.

Darkness couldn't reach her on the other side.

* * *

The intense whiteness around him blocked out all other sensations, the empty glare blinding him with it's perpetual light. Troy had forgotten the harshness of it, having spent most of his recent time in another place, a place where dusk broke as often as dawn and where reality transcended into dreams, at least for those who basked in life.

His time on earth had ended long ago, as had his capacity to dream. His world: it never slept.

He couldn't even begin to explain it but despite being surrounded on all sides he could still see her from where he was. It was almost as though she was right there beside him but time had taught him that despite illusions, Gabriella was over a million miles away.

He sighed deeply, contemplating whether he could ever return to be with her or whether he should keep watch from afar. His cerulean orbs followed her every movement, they seen her as she stood up from the edge of the hospital bed and look around one last time, reluctant to leave, fearing that she may have left something behind. She was deathly pale, her skin verging on some shade of grey and pain was etched across her imitated smile. She moved slowly and without any force in her stride, like she was struggling to find her feet.

It took the utmost power of resistance not to run to her side, to block out her suffering and he shut his eyes tightly, trying desperately not to loose sight of his intent. But even when he wasn't looking, Troy couldn't escape from her image.

He had denied it one thousand times over, tried to convince himself that it was neither true nor possible but seclusion only mirrored his heart as the solemn soundless place that he 'lived' in screamed the truth.

Silence always has the loudest voice.

So he remained motionless, sitting with his head resting on top of his bent knees and his arms slung around his legs. Troy was never one to be so torn over a course of action, indeed he was usually the type of person who would make a decision and stick with it, for better or for worse. But with Gabriella it was different.

Troy had always had a secret dream, a wish that he dared not speak aloud and so he kept it concealed in the depths of his mind and in the depths of his heart. He voiced it only to an almighty power and to his own deep conscious. Some would say it was a façade, a cry for approval from god, but he knew otherwise. And even though in all of his years his wish never materialised, he always held onto the glimmer of hope that told him that maybe one day he could live up to his aspirations.

Troy's dream was simple: He wished he could become a good person.

He couldn't be with her, or even be near her for as long as he still set out to achieve his ambition. It called for selfless sacrifice, an act for the greater good. But no matter what way he looked at it, he could never truly do what was in her best interests without staying as far away as he possibly could. He had finally come to terms with the idea that so long as he was near her, he could never let her go and he was sure that that was selfishness in its purest form. She had to be set free of her chains, and of him because she could never move forward without letting go of the past.

She could never take off and fly with her mistakes still haunting her.

And so, he knew that he had to give her up and stand back, only to watch her from a distance.

All conquering love had done it again - it so often fell short of it's name - he just couldn't believe that he had been the fool to get caught twice. Leaning back he tilted his head upwards, searching in a vain notion that he would find a clue telling him that he was doing the right thing. The future had never looked more joyless or more without hope, but he had convinced himself that there was no alternative. Love hurt so much more than he remembered.

Troy didn't realise it, but it was at that moment that she needed him to be less than what he was.


End file.
